Lvg123, thank you so much for this honest question! I totally identify!
I also think it's not so much that we don't want others to succeed, rather we are p.o.'d that WE 'can't'. It is somehow easier to funnel that pain and frustration outwards toward others.
I remember sitting in 'group'. It wasn't the group I should have been in, but they put me in it, just to get me scheduled for something 'therapeutic'. This group was 'low functioning' and had more serious illness issues than I. I remember thinking...I am soooo glad I'm not 'that' bad!
I have a neighbor who seems to be 'getting' everything I want. I mentioned I wanted a flagpole, she went out and bought a flagpole. I mentioned I'd like a dual cab truck, she went out and bought one! It is challenging. I'm so focused on ME that I was missing the very real possibility that SHE has a mental illness too!
So, the 'envy' is there for sure. The question is, how can we keep it from 'killing' us? First, don't compare your insides with someone else's outsides. Redefine 'success'. For me, getting out of bed is a success. Washing the dishes is a success. Etc. Stop using society's measuring stick. We are not 'normal' or 'average'. The truth is...we are above average...we are functioning WITH daunting limitations!
Hugs to you from someone with similar struggles.
multiple surgeries for rotator cuff both shoulders with residual chronic impingement syndrome, ulnar nerve transposition, carpal tunnel release, multiple wrist surgeries, multiple herniated discs, tarlov cysts, whiplash, bursitis of hips, grade 5 right shoulder separation and torn labrum, ovarian cysts, fibroid tumors of the uterus