Hey, we're twins! At least we are insofar as all the depressive stuff we're going through. Except for the crying part. Boys don't cry, we just punch stuff and blow holes in crap at the gun range.
I'm having a really tough 2017 too. I, like you, have had a succession of down days with the odd interspersion of happy days. I'm not Bipolar, and I doubt if you are. My manic days are only manic when compared to the rut I occasionally crawl out of. That said, feeling depressed and tired all the time is not normal, and I'm working like crazy to find a way out of it.
In my case, most everyone I talk to thinks my issues are sleep related. My sleep is completely non-restorative. I go to bed at 9:00 and get up at 5:45 feeling worse than I did when I went to bed. On the weekends I sleep in, and get up feeling just as poopy. Sleep, on its own, is apparently not my issue, but quality sleep is. So now I'm on the AD treadmill trying to find something that doesn't interfere with my sleep quality.
I find it so disheartening when people talk to me about
exercising and walking and socializing. Yes, I know it's right and healthy and all that stuff, but I just can't do it. In fact, these days I barely have enough in the tank to get through the day at work. OTOH, I can always crawl under my desk for a nap.
I don't have any advice to give you - truth is you and I will either get better or we won't. But I'm not going to give up, and you shouldn't either. I remember the good days when smiles came easy and joy was waiting to be discovered. I want that feeling back, and I guess I'm willing to wait this down-period out just for the possibility to laugh with my whole soul again.
You and me? We're not weird, or different, or strange. We're just garden variety depressed people. Keep the faith, Kelly - we've been happy before and we'll be happy again.