Hi, I just joined this site because my boyfriend broke up with me 3 days ago due to his depression and I don't know what to do. For some background, we have been together for almost 3 years and we deeply love each other. We are both in our twenties. We have lived with each other for a year at my parents house and we had plans to move into our own place in 2 months. He has always struggled with depression but has never sought help for it. I have suggested for him to see someone multiple times throughout our relationship but I hadn't firmly pushed it because I didn't want to force it onto him (as well as the fact that apparently the person needing to book an appt with a psychiatrist has to make the appointment themselves for some reason).
In the last month his depression has gotten really bad and his occasional binge drinking got to the point of him drinking until he would pass out. I told his sibling that lives here about
this and we convinced him to finally call a therapist or psychiatrist. He tried several places, called and emailed, to which NONE of them ever got back to him. This made him feel very discouraged. I tried getting him somewhere too, but the operator said he needed to make the appt himself and when he called back they didn't pick up for him
3 days ago I came home from work and he was drinking again. Then he started telling me that he has been thinking about
moving back home to his mom in another state 6 hours away so he can be with his mom and friends from his hometown. I know he didn't like it in the current state we are in, but I had no idea it was this bad-- and again, we had plans to move out together in only 2 months. I start crying, and he says that he has to break up with me because he can't put the effort into our relationship anymore, and that it isn't fair for me to not get the effort I deserve. He said he loves me, is still in love with me, that I'll always be important to him, and he would keep in touch. I asked though my tears why we had to break up if we're still in love because it's wrong. He said it's because he is unhappy with everything, can't feel anything anymore, has lost interest in everything and can't give me what I need. I asked him if we could do long distance and he said no because he needs to learn how to take care of himself. I told him I understand but asked if we can do a break instead, then get back together when he is better. He said no to that because in his mind it would be "toxic" for him to have me wait for him. He said that the breakup would destroy me and destroy him but it has to be done.
He moved out of my parent's house last night and is going to live with his sibling who lives near by for now until he can make arrangements to move back home. His one friend and family all told him that although they love me, that it isn't fair if he can't give me the effort I deserve and have encouraged him to end it which has only made him more firm with his choice.
The problem is, he is the love of my life and I want to fight for our relationship. I love him so much, and have always taken care of him on his bad days. I am devastated. I also feel that heartbreak CANNOT be helping his depression, as he is saddened by our break up even though it was him who did the breaking up. I wrote him 8 pages to take with him to his sibling's saying how much I love him, how much I will miss him, how I will always be there for him, how much my family will miss him, how important he is, encouraging him to get help and telling him that he can and will get better. I also said that if he would ever want me back as a girlfriend that I'm his.
What do I do? I don't want to lose him. I want him to be happy, and I want him to get help but if he moves 6 hours away I won't be able to be there for him in person if he would need it. I'm scared his parents don't know the extent of the situation, and his mom just got back from a rehabilitation center for drinking and his friend back home has depression too and dabbles in drugs.
Do I fight him and beg him to stay? Do I let him go through with the break up even though I feel breaking up would deepen his depression? Do I let him move out of state? I know the #1 thing he needs is help because he is lost, but even I can't force him to see a professional. His sibling promised me that she will make sure he gets help.
I love him unconditionally, and I'm scared for him and I want to salvage us. Please help me.
Thank you to anyone who replies. I really appreciate it.
Post Edited (lostgirl1189) : 11/3/2017 4:05:26 PM (GMT-6)