It sounds like you are really struggling right now. I wish I knew what to say or had some great piece of advise to help, but i am not sure that I do. I understand needing to focus on yourself, but I also know that when I am giving pieces of myself I feel better. I try to make sure that I don't over do it, and keep some in reserve for myself. Good luck and I hope you found the answers you are looking for.
We can respond to irritation with a smile instead of scowl, or by giving warm praise instead of icy indifference. By our being understanding instead of abrupt, others, in turn, may decide to hold on a little longer rather than to give way. Love, patience, and meekness can be just as contagious as rudeness and crudeness.
Dx'd with Crohn's at age 12.
Symptoms since age 5.
Learning to live with this Disease rather than be its victim after 34 years.