Thanks for your reply SadSunshine, and to you too Ann, I appreciate your caring. I had a wonderful therapist back in NH, where I'm originally from, for my anxiety and panic attacks, but he is now fighting for his life in the hospital with an illness. What his illness is, they will not say. I left New Hampshire a bit over a year ago, thinking a change of scenery would help my current marriage. It was a foolish move because things have'nt gotten any better, worse if anything. I miss being in NH. My mother and dad live there and they are both getting quite old and both have serious health issues, my father lives on borrowed time according to his heart specialist. I'd like to be there during their last years. Also my deceased wife's grave is in NH and I had a plot right next to hers before she died. I want to be back were I belong. I dislike Florida intensely. We live so very far away from any decent sized city, and it's a long trip to my primary care physician as it is. I am diabetic also and have to make that trip every few months for blood tests. The nearest therapist that will accept my Medicaid is over 80 miles from here. Doctors and Psychiatrists in Florida seem to have something against Medicaid......They don't get rich from it is the reason I think. Before I can get real help. I need so badly to get back to NH. My SS Disabilty checks are shamefully small. If I left, I'd have enough money to reurn to NH and my mother and father said they would be glad to let me stay with them until I can secure a room to rent. I have my name on a waiting list from the NH Housing Authority, but was told it could be a waiting period of well over 2 years before anything is available. I cannot stay long with my parents. They have very limited space and my being there would only make their lives more stressful and neither of them need that.
I had it so good for 15 years.....I had the love of my life, I ran my own buisness in downtown Concord, NH, had a nice little house in a small town near Concord.....I had what so many can only dream of having, and I lost my wife and my buisness, all within less than 6 months, and had to seel the house. The city bought the building I had been renting for my record store (actually threatened my landlord with "eminent domain"), because they wanted to errect a 5 level parking lot. That was 5 years ago, and there is STILL nothing where my store once stood but an empty lot. So much for government lies. I was blessed with a wonderfully kind landlord. He charged me a rediculously Low monthly rent and it stayed at that price for 10 years. I could not afford to relocate my store....The rental prices had soared over the years. So I lost it all. I worked usually up to 16 hrs a day to make my business a success and after the first 4 years it did indeed become successful. I have tried to leave here, even if it meant living on the streets in NH, but I stay because my current wife works part time and it's hard for her to pay the bills and keep this home, which I signed over to her because I felt if I was going to leave, it would only be fair to give her the mobile home we owned together. I feel bad for her. She has Graves Disease, along with other health problems so part time is all she can handle. Every month I'm ready to leave, then the bills begin coming in, and I end up staying to help pay the rent, lights, etc, so she won't lose everything, like I once did. That don't leave me much money after that. I feel so trapped. I'm not all that sure I could make the long drive back to NH as it is anyway. I suffer from many phobias, and driving is one of them. I mean, short distances are ok but driving through the large cities makes me nervous, as well as driving over large bridges, I get very nervous driving in heavy traffic, etc, etc. As I said I feel trapped. I want to begin therapy with a good doctor and I'd have that opportunity back in NH. Most accept Medicaid, unlike Florida. I don't know what to do anymore.. I pray to God for His help and guidance. More and more, I feel like giving up. I quit smoking almost 2 years ago now, but my wife still smokes and will not go out on the porch and do it. I quit because I coughed and wheezed so much. Well, with all her second hand smoke, I still cough and wheeze just as much as I ever did. I'm so tired.