Such a long time..

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New Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 1/14/2006 2:54 AM (GMT -7)   

Since the age of 12 I have suffered from bad depressions, which are getting more and more unbearable. Now I´m 26 years old. I don´t feel enough able to live because I always have to interrupt my education and to stop my actual job, I´m not able to concentrate enough (e.g. to read a book or to learn..) and have difficulties to do my housework. I very often had been at the hospital but that doesn´t help enough for a longer period. I get medicine, but that doesn´t help enough. I have agonizing suicide thoughts, I feel I haven´t much energy left and I´m so tired and weak! I don´t want any longer to live my life as miserable as this! I wish it could get better soon, but how..?

obs ann
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 679
   Posted 1/14/2006 3:12 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Colour,

What type of Dr. do you see, that you talk with ? 

Did you have a rough childhood ?  And how's life been since you left home ?

Does your Dr. talk back to you about these things or does he just sit and listen ?

Don't mean to ask so many questions. But there's some missing info in your first post.

I have to go to bed now, but I want to check back later today, to see what else you can tell us.

Before I go to sleep, I will pray for you, that you will receive help here, as I have and get better direction for your future.  You deserve to be happy.

Sometimes I go to the mirror and Smile, every which way I can, and even make funny faces, and all of a sudden, I'm laughing at myself.  I love laughing and being silly ... I know that God and me being silly, will keep me alive until He's ready for me to see His smiling face. 

There's always hope ... but we can't see it ... that's why it's called hope.

Hang in there friend.  You've made a good decision to talk to others here.

Love to you.




New Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 1/14/2006 4:54 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you very much, obs ann! :-)
Since I was able to think, my father bullied my mother and me. He was an alcoholic und this drug made him to a kind of devil. I always was afraid of him. I always lived in fear. sad
When I was 12 years old I went to a new school. In that school I had been bullied for 7 years by my class-mates.  sad
A short time I did different jobs while I was going to the evening school. At two of these jobs I had been bullied , too. sad
Very often I had to stay in a hospital, where I got medicine and was able to speak to therapists for short times.
I have gone to a psychiatrist for 3 years now, but only to get helpful medicine.
Now I´m looking for the right psychotherapist, which isn´t easy, because I haven´t got enough money and have only a few possibilities for a therapie.
What has saved my life up to now: my friends, my pets, painting and writing..
Thanks! I wish you all the best! Colour yeah

obs ann
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 679
   Posted 1/14/2006 12:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi again dear colour,
Thank you for clearing that up. That's making sense now.  Not really having a good Counselor that talks back to you.  A licensed Counselor can do just as well as a psychotherapist.
From my own experience over the years, I've found that to be true.
And like I said, for just one example, through some Church organizations, you can find one much cheaper than private ones.
Thank God for "Friends" (as you said), huh ? 
And you say you paint too.  That's awesome. 
What type of "pets" do you have ?   I have a bunch of stray cats that showed up here and now I love very much.  They've helped me too since I've been homebound.
On one of those rare days, when I got so down about being alone and didn't want to live anymore ... "these guys" as I call my cats, will always show me that they need me to stay alive so they can.  Or they'll make me laugh or if I'm sick, they'll snuggle even closer.
I really hope you'll look into Licensed Counselors.  I'm 53 and have had a life from ____ , and saw my first "psychologist" at 14.  She turned out to be like "Dr. Ruth", if you know who that is... Not Good for a 14 yr old.  And though I studied psychology for years, I chose not to go into that field ... but met a lot of people in that field over the years.
Some psychologists or psychiatrists are good, some stink.  I guess that's where I've gotten my opinion on Licensed Counselors.  I'd prefer to pick a female for myself to speak to.  They have a lot of compassion and it's not as embarrassing to bring up 'lady stuff'.
Well, I hope you'll use your "writing" hobby on here and keep in regular touch with us all.
I liked this 2nd post with all the Smilies.  I have folders of Smilies in my computer.  I love 'em. :-)
I wish you all the best too and look forward to more of your posts.

New Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 1/14/2006 12:47 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi again, obs ann! yeah Thank you very much!

I have 2 guinea pigs: Vincent and Thea, :-)

a little hamster called Frieda redface

and two birds (yes, I admit that in my brain are hundreds of birds as well.) eyes

I adore them! And they very often have saved my life. cool

Nice greetings and  best wishes from my pets! yeah

obs ann
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 679
   Posted 1/14/2006 6:47 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Colour,

I'm smiling from ear to ear at your post again.

GREAT use of these Smilies girl yeah .

I laughed too, because even though I have all cats, and people think I'm "the cat lady", my favorite animal is Birds.  But I of course, with this many cats ... I can only take care of the wild ones outside.  And every other wild animal out there gets fed. 

I used to have hamsters years ago and parakeets.  Even a pet white rat we saved from a College experiment, then a pet mouse that we got out of a dog's mouth. ha.

Yeah, they need us, that's for sure ... and they make it worth it.

I really enjoyed your post and glad to see your artistic abilities and writing skills being so well expressed here :-) :-) .

I'm totally brain-bushed from my time on the computer yesterday ... ha ... but it was fun, so I may do the "unthinkable" and actually go to bed early tonite.  That would be a first for this die-hard Night Owl.

Hope things are rosey up in your part of the world.

Talk to you again whenever.

Your fellow animal lover, Ann

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