Posted 3/14/2018 11:08 AM (GMT -7)
Vanilla--you are not alone. We always try to define ourselves in relation to someone else, usually someone who is what we want to be. In that equation, we always lose. ALWAYS.
We have to set our own standards of success. Every person has their own set of circumstances--and this is the main idea left out of our modern belief in equality. Equal presumes the same starting point and the same destination. That is just not reasonable. I resent being told that I must follow someone else's blueprint.
I think we also need to identify something NOT happening in a mindful way. If we see if as failure--well, then it is and the downward spiral starts. However, I advocate seeing this as a chance to learn how to make better choices, not failure but opportunity. Boy, is it hard. But to make this change, you have to do it purposely. I think we often sabotage or shortchange ourselves, by presuming failure, by negative self-talk.
A woman I knew in grad school, and with whom I graduated, has tenure and two books. That reflects on her success. She came from money, no siblings, and had supportive parents. She had a great amount of focus as well as kindness. It is very hard to not let that impact the way I see myself. Instead, I left my tenure job due to illness. I grew up poor, and experienced losses. I am sure she has experienced losses herself. But we are different, had different tools to work with, and had different experiences along the path.
Let me make a suggestion. When work is due, I use two techniques. One is to block websites on my computer, with varying success The other tactic I use which has really helped me is to set a timer for 15 minutes or so. I have to work that entire time. When the timer goes off, I can either take a break (timed, of course,) or I can continue. Generally, I am hooked into the assignment by that point, so I continue working.
Our culture has no shortage of blame for the individual. This is all the more reason we need to offer ourselves love and acceptance. Take a look at this author. https://www.tarabrach.com/store/
Ulcerative Colitis 2003, Fibromyalgia DX 2005, Crohn's 2013, Enteropathic arthritis, 2013. Family History of Fibro--2 out of 3 siblings diagnosed. Started SCD-June 2013. *There are three kinds of people in the world: ones who see the glass as half-full, ones who see the glass as half-empty, and others who see a big crack in the side which is leaking all over their %$#@# foot