many of you dont know my story, some of you do... to keep it short, i was sexually abused by my grandfather when i was 10; family basically hates me 'cause they believe whats easier for them; still have to see him; and i am now 15, soon to be 16. went through most of it-- drugs, drinking, cutting.. etc.
ive been doing better.. i went throught the longest stage of just bettering myself... for once i was actually happy for longer than a week. i felt great, amazing. these last couple of days have just been ... horrible. i dont even know how or why i even started feeling down. usually around the holidays is when i get severely upset( i dont say depressed, my family acts like depression doesn't exists, that we chose if we want to feel this way ), but as im typing now i just have so much anger inside, and i just refuse to let myself cry... which i know is a bad thing. i haven't eaten anything ... horrible mood swings... i just feel like right now i am about to just break down and im just pushing myself so hard not to because its been so long.
i finally started getting my act together. im finally only failing 1 class... huge improvement then suddenly i just.. cracked. i just cant believe i got so far and suddenly, its over. Yes, i know that theirs always going to be ups and downs, but it doesnt' feel like one of those times.
all my friends have so much going for them, i feel like a complete failure. im started to become negative towards my body, which is a new thing for me... i can't even look in mirrors anymore. ive taken so many falls in my life... to be honest i really do not think i have the strength to fall hard again.
i figured i'd post since it helped last time... hopefully it will this time too.
its hard to catch up
when the worlds holding you down