My son has been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation. He is currently taking medication and meeting with a councilor. He has been in inpatient after 2 ER visits for suicidal thoughts and possible suicidal attempt, (he was intercepted before he got home). Last night he was very upset with me for not allowing him to stay the night at his friends house, it was a school night. He said that he had been feeling depressed and suicidal and he felt that staying there would help him.
I told him that I understood that he wanted to stay but with it being a school night, he could not stay. He even brought his friends over to try to convince me to let him stay the night. He stormed in the house and said he was going to his room and to not talk to him. I poked my head in his room to tell him that I love him and that I understood and respected that he didn't want talk and he didn't have to. He popped up from his bed and began to unload on me. He told me that I'm the reason why he's depressed and suicidal. He said that I broke my promise and lied to him. I told him that I would do whatever I could within my power to help him through this and make him happy. Since I didn't allow him to stay the night, he took that as my promise being broken.
He told me that I always turn the conversation into being about
me. I don't believe I do that, but I will take extra care to be aware that I don't. The entire conversation, he was so angry with me and that I don't help with trying to help him through this. I believe that I have been doing what I can. I take him to every counseling session, get his meds, visited him every day he was in inpatient. I encouraged him when he expressed interest in playing baseball and track. I tell him every day I love him and try to do things to get his mind off of bad things.
I took all of last week off for his spring break and went on adventures as a family every day. This morning when I call him to make sure he was on the way to the bus stop, he was still angry with me. I got a funny feeling and called his school, he wasn't there. I tried to call his phone, he didn't answer. I kept calling, still no answer. I tried calling my husband who was at home, no answer. I called the police department who told me to keep trying to get in touch with my husband and call back after I do to make sure he didn't go back home.
I finally got a hold of my son and he told me he was at his friends' house, the one he wanted to spend the night at. He said that he didn't want to go to school because he felt that he would do something bad if he did. He said that his friend calmed him down and told him that he would be missed and they would be sad if something happened to him. I'm glad that he finally heard that, even after I've been telling him that same thing, but he didn't seem to hear it when I said it to him.
I know this sounds horrible, but after last night and this morning, I feel that he was trying to manipulating me since he didn't get his way and going to his friend's house this morning and skipping school was his way of getting back at me. I feel that I'm trying to do what I can to help him, but it just isn't enough. It's like he sees me as the enemy now instead of someone who is trying to help. He talked about
running away last night, so I slept in the living room. Every time I
open his door, I'm afraid I'm going to walk in and find the worst possible thing I could image, him dead. I'm so stuck on what to do.
I've cried my eyes out so many times because he says hurtful things to me and I don't want to create a fight and make things worse, so I stay calm and tell him that I understand that he's upset and try to relate as much as I can to him. It just seems that everything I do is not helping, nor is it appreciated and I get it, he's a teenager, I'm sure we all know that most of the time teenagers don't really appreciate things or at least don't really show they do. I don't want to trigger anything for him and that makes me walk on eggshells half the time.
If there are any suggestions of things I can do different or try, I'm willing. I don't want to always have to make an exception or break rules our household has. I'm willing to bend them sometimes, but I don't think allowing him to just walk all over me or allow him do just do whatever he wants when he wants to do it is the answer for trying to keep him happy or just maintain. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading.
Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 4/11/2018 4:25:24 PM (GMT-6)