Need Help Coping...

In a lot of cases, depression is used to gain attention amongst many of america's youth.  People even cut themselves, yet are all the more proud once showing them off to their rather concerned friends.  It's really sad, actually, and because of people like this, people like me are disregaurded, and the sad thing about this is, I really could care less.  Please, I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm just here to complain, I just need to vent some of my issues and hopefully some of you readers out there will have some good advice to lend.

High school, ah yes, aren't these supposedly the four most difficult years in a person's life?  At least, that's how things have been for me thus far.  It all started when I moved here my freshman year.  The environment here and atmosphere is nothing like what I'm used to.  The people are completely different and it was difficult to adjust.  This was my first major depression breakthrough.  Realizing my only friends were hours away, I'm out of reach with people I'd normally be with every day, and all of a sudden I just want to be left alone.

Things sort of slipped from there.  My entire freshman year I was near suicidal, and even once there was a great 'medical scare' that made me believe I wasn't going to live much longer.  But the sad fact of it all was, at the time I didn't care whether I lived or died, I didn't feel like I had anything to live for.  Grades were slipping, and the pressure of it all wasn't helping at all.  I almost bombed, but managed.  I met my angel at the time, a guy who was always nice to me and whatnot.  We dated, for about a week, and then I broke up with him since I thought we'd be better friends.  Nope, after that he started threatening me with rape and even murder, and I was too deathly afraid to talk to anybody about it.

A year went by and I lived in fear for quite a while.  However, I made friends and things just started to look up.  Quite frankly, I was starting to like this new place despite my 'stalker' whom I still feared.  Summer came and went, and I was just as happy as ever, not hearing anything from my ex and deciding that that was over with and gone.  And then depression came back a second time, this time my sophomore year.  Most of my friends were seniors, and again I was left alone with only one or two people I could talk too, both of whom I had no classes with and had not the opportunity to talk to or see outside of school.

The loneliness came back, and although I wasn't near as depressed as I was my freshman year, I was still pretty upset.  It went by quickly, and things got even lonelier over the summer, since both of my remaining friends moved, and I was left alone again.  Alas, I came back to school, for my junior year.

I've finally gotten the guy whom I've had a crush on since my sophomore year.  Ah, young love, he's always there for me even now, when I'm sad, alone, or just in a sour mood.  I've even made a few friends, and I thought that my depression was gone for good.  But no, it came back without a moment to lose, or so it seems.  Turns out that home life got worse, things became more and more stressful, so stressful my 'happy times' (periods) have been so irregular I have a doctor appointment scheduled, I've lost 10 lbs due to my lack of eating, and have been practically isolated from my friends and beloved despite my attatchment to all of them.

To make things even better, he gets to move out of state this summer, thus breaking apart my relationship, which by the way, I'm sure is true love.

I'm losing it all again.  I don't know what to do.  Any advice would be appreciated, thanks.

_{"In a lot of cases, depression is used to gain attention amongst many of america's youth.  People even cut themselves, yet are all the more proud once showing them off to their rather concerned friends.  It's really sad, actually, and because of people like this, people like me are disregaurded"}

Thylacine:

  What is really sad, is that people out there really think like that. They think that depression is used to gain attention. But think about it this way....if they weren't truly depressed, they wouldn't need that kind of attention...

  I am not trying to lecture you, I am just trying to help you see a different perspective. I empathize w/ you really. I spent nearly my whole life depressed and suffering in silence. I am really glad that you scheduled a drs. appt. That is probably the best thing you can do for yourself right now. You seem a very bright and mature young person to be able to express yourself so succinctly. You have recognized that you need help and have taken the first step in getting that help.

  Posting on this forum is a great step too. I know for me, seeing what other people go through and realizing that I'm not alone in the world, other people have similar desires, needs and fears, has really helped me. I hope you will post again, I'd certainly like to hear how your appointment goes and more of your story as well.

  I wish you the best of luck. Things may seem grim at the moment, but you'll get through and be a stronger and better person for it.  Cyborg Ninja is right, it does get easier as you get older. Just stick around and you'll see.

  Jezz

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With my feet upon the ground I move myeslf between the sounds and open wide to suck it in.
I feel it move across my skin.
I'm reaching up and reaching out. I'm reaching for the random or what ever will bewilder me.
what ever will bewilder me.
And following our will and whim we may just go where no one's been.
We'll ride the spiral to the end and may just go where no one's been. 

-Tool-Tool