Hi. Just wanted to share what I have done to my family because of my depression.
When we had our wreck we had everything going for us. I just got promoted at work. We had just gotten all of the custom work on our Harley finished. We had just gotten married! Then BAM, some unthinking man going 70 mph in a 30 mph speed zone while talking on is cellphone hit us in the side while we were on our Harley. The next thing I know it is a week later and my life has changed forever. I had my family, yes my husband survived, and I had my friends, but I would never be the same. When I got home 3 weeks later, in a hospital bed, all I could focus on was how bad the rest of my life was going to be. I treated evryone around me like dirt. No one could do anything to please me. They couldn't adjust my pillows right, they couldn't change my bandages right, they could WALK. I was showing no signs of improvement, I still couldn't move my leg by myself. Everything and everyone irritated me.
After 2 months of this my husband finally called my doctor and got me started on medication for depression. At first I refused to take it. I didn't need that, I was fine. Finally I agreed to take it, just show him he was wrong. It took about 2 weeks for it to start working. I started to realize how I was treating the ones closest to me the worst. I began to take control back. I began to get better. My family had a chance to heal.
Now, almost 17 months later, I sit here and think of your posts and I cry because of the way I treated my husband and I never realized what I was doing to him. He was hurt in the wreck too. He broke his back in 5 places, tore his rotator cuff, and broke 3 ribs, but he didn't get a chance to heal. As soon as I got home my care was left to him. I was in a hospital bed, with huge external fixators running up and down my entire leg, my hip was broke. I was literally helpless except for my mouth, which I never failed to use. He had to care for me. He is also taking Hepititis C treatments which are physically and emotionaly draining on him and still took care of me, and believe me, that entailed a lot of things that a husband shouldn't have to do, lol.
I guess what I'm trying to say is when we are in the grasp fo depression we don't realize what we are doing to our loved ones. We don't mean to, but we have no control over what we are doing to ourselves, let alone what we are doing to you, the people closest to us. I can't tell my husband enough how sorry I am. Nor can I tell my mother in law. She was there every step of the way. In fact the few things I remember about the ICU all involved her holding my hand and brushing my hair of my forehead. My mother was killed in a house fire just a few months before our wreck. Peggy stepped in and became my mom and I said some of the ugliest things to her. I had no control. I just new I felt bad and so should everyone else.
My wish is that anyone who comes to this forum learn something from what I have done. Love your family enough to get help for yourself. You aren't doing it just for you, you are doing it for everyone around you. I love my family and I would go to the end's of the earth and fight the devil himself for each and every one of them. It turned out I was the devil.
If you won't seek help for yourself, PLEASE, do it for those around you.
Sorry this was so long. I actually feel better since I have faced what I was doing to myself and them. You are wonderful for reading this. My prayers are with you all.