Welcome to my world, where the vast void of outer space would seem a bit crowded by comparison. I not only know emptiness like the back of my hand, it's arguably my default state.
Thus I don't know if I ought to even try giving you advice. But I will anyway. Firstly, and perhaps obviously, don't do anything which increases the depersonalisation: don't skip meals or sleep (take medication if you absolutely cannot sleep otherwise). Do go outside and get some fresh air occasionally. Connect to the real world.
Secondly, look for triggers of your current numbness/depression. Perhaps you suffered a recent loss or significant setback; maybe you are having flashbacks to an earlier incident in your life; maybe it's a medication change. Sometimes there is no obvious cause - depression is a b**** in that way too. It's not essential to pinpoint a cause (or causes
), but it can help in identifying what areas of your life need working on: unhappy marriage, rubbish relatives, loneliness, stressful job, chronic illness, chronic guilt, etc.
Thirdly, look for support and help. So, so much easier said than done, but it's that or playing Solitaire for 8 hours a day (have been there). See a psychiatrist and go over your meds - maybe you need to tweak your dose or a change of med entirely. See a counsellor or therapist if you can access one - talking to a qualified person who doesn't judge really does help, particularly if you have no one else in your life you can talk to
openly and honestly.
Best of luck. Depression certainly does feel
as though it lasts forever, but in reality there will come a day when you feel better. Even if you did nothing at all, your mood would probably shift of its own accord eventually. But I advise against that, not least because clinical depression is one of the most unbearable things a person can go through and you don't want to risk becoming the s-word, if you are not already.
Dx Crohn's in June 2000. (Yay )
Tried: 5-ASAs, azathioprine, 6MP, Remicade, methotrexate, Humira, diets.
1st surgery 20/2/13 - subtotal colectomy with end ileostomy.
2nd surgery 10/7/15 - ileorectal anastomosis. Stoma reversed and ileum connected to the rectum.
Current status: Chronic flare. Do I have any other kind?
Current meds: 50mg 6MP; Entyvio (started 3/11/16)