When I got put into the “hospital” they didn’t teach me anything I didn’t already know. Ad they were much more focused on us being out of bed and eating than any kind of help. Being in there just made me worse.
At that time I thought I was at my lowest. I had no electricity, no running water. I was riding my bike all over town looking for employment. I been a stay at home mom my whole life so I didn’t have any job experience. I was dealing with the loss of my grandma which was bringing up supressed emotions from losing my mom. I was going through the separation of my husband. And I was on my own with 3 kids I couldn’t support. I sold my dads home the following year which kind of got us both out of the hole. I gave my dad more than half. Then my best friend died.
I had so much going on at the time it didn’t fully sink in. I was busy helping everyone who turned their back on me when I was down. I helped my husband back to work. I lost all the money I had and I finally got a temporary job. And I had just enrolled into college and my husband said he’d financially help me while I attended. But he passed away at work of a drug overdose the same week school started.
I tried to stick to it but I spiraled down again. I barely hung on at work. I ended up getting sick with Epstein-Barr virus and was bedridden 2-3 months. My dad became homeless and at that time I had 6 squatters in my living room. They were constantly stealing. I flipped out one day and kicked everyone out. I was at a point I couldn’t afford to live anymore. When they moved I found my property tax bill. Which was 2 months too late.
All my other bills were ridiculously too high. I kept feeling sick and I couldn’t even have a conversation because I’d forget what I was saying as I was talking. I kept going to my doctor who would send me to mental health. But nothing has been helping. I finally figured out I been dealing with a gas leak for no telling how long. So now my head is a little bit clearer.
But now I’m just bogged down with depression. I feel like I’ve ruined everyone’s lives. I’m dealing with stress from not being able to pay all these bills and they just keep coming. I just feel like I’m drowning in it all. When I went to the counselor. She said it sounds like I know how to help myself but maybe I should just come in to talk. Which sounds great. But I have such a hard time leaving my house. I told her yes I know all the ways to help with depression and anxiety. I just don’t know how to apply it. I can’t calm my mind. Despite the fact of not being able to leave my house I can’t stay still. My anxiety makes me go into a manic phase during the day and I nervously clean and organize. All day I’m just like a robot. I don’t even know what I do with things.
Thank you for listening. Sometimes I do just need to get it out. I keep planning on calling and seeing if I can get set up with a new doctor and counselor. I just keep putting it off because I hate going
Post Edited By Moderator (getting by) : 6/12/2018 2:28:38 AM (GMT-6)