Just take it easy. Things will get better. The reality is, in my eyes anyway, no one matters too much. Sure, there are people with loads of obligations, that have paved a path where they put themselves in situations where they are supporting others, and in that case, that small handful of people notice when they are gone. For people like you and I, we don't have any dependents, so of course we aren't as impactful to anyone's direct life. it's just how it goes. Interestingly, my dad was complaining about
no one being there for him recently, and I flat out told him it's because he doesn't provide anything monetary for anyone. I notice it a ton in life. When someone is financially supporting another person, whether it be a business, a child, a significant other... that's when their disappearance matters. If you started a business and you were paying people's salaries, people would need you, and you would feel like you matter, but what does that really mean? It certainly wouldn't make you "matter" in the bigger picture, you may seem important to a small handful of people, and perhaps have an over-inflated value of yourself, like the majority of people do... I don't see much value in it myself. I'd rather be less "important" and have less responsibility.
You have a lot of characteristics that make you valuable. You can
open doors and do whatever you wish. You just need to believe in yourself a tiny bit and take some risks. Perhaps you can write for a blog and make some money, and get some of your ideas out there? teach people something that will benefit them and their futures... Do something you see as positive and you will feel better about
yourself, and other people will see it too. That or, just get some dumb job that keeps you busy. That's what I do, and it consumes a lot of my time, to the point that I don't have much leftover to focus on my self-hate. I do however think the earlier option might help to eliminate the bigger problem - but for me, it's not an option, i am too money-dependent. The moment I stop is the moment I lose the roof over my head. I need one of those supporter types I mentioned earlier (which I will never be, or have, because I wasn't born into a good family and I am female, and I am old, and not the most useful person on the planet). Well, that's all the negativity i've got this AM.
and iPoop is right, you do matter here - people missed you. People asked about
you. People wanted you to come back.
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From Sickly to UC Free
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish
Post Edited (notsosicklygirl) : 10/29/2018 10:33:04 AM (GMT-6)