So nice to see you post.
You will not like this, however I am going to challenge your negative thought loops.
You forgot to mention your brother, who you seem to get along with. May not see him very often, but if you needed him in a pinch or emergency, I bet he would be there for you. Or he would not have gone for a walk with you. Human nature.
You are not alone in the world, you have us here at healing well, and if you recall there were a number of us that were quite worried when you did not post for a length of time, and didn't tell us you would be taking a break. I am sure if you think about
this, it will show that you are likable.
Self-compassion, as I have said before is an essential skill for those of us that feel this way. You have a double need for self-compassion, family issues with parents, most likely childhood issue and your health issues which you have accepted, but still effect your day to day life, as mine do.
We are not so different.
In Feb 2018 I caught my husband cheating on Valentines Day, darn Hallmark holiday. He willing moved out.
Back in 2012 all 14 blood relatives wrote me of off, denying the abuse and believing my brother that I was a drug addict.
Now, the in-law family has wrote me off, Italian wives do not throw husbands out. I am not Italian, but my husbands family is from northern Italy and it is just not done.
So, I am truly without any family. No one to buy presents for this year, no one to celebrate with, no one to cook for or bake for. All I have are my 2 dogs. and friends here at Healing Well and one on Insight Timer.
I do have acquaintances from support group, but like me they all have their stuff. Lunches every 3-4 months but nothing regular.
Yesterday would have been my 30th wedding Anniversary. Not one of them called or texted to see how I was doing.
Point being WE Have to take care of ourselves because no once else is going to do it. People are generally working on their stuff, we are all trying to survive.
But I want to do more than survive. I am tired of surviving, I want to live, enjoy the years I have left. I am 57.
So I work on self-compassion and it helps a lot! I have more better days than bad.
My chronic pain keeps me down, most afternoon and evenings, so I get up early to do things.
I work around my limitations.
My negative thoughts are so much like yours. Especially now. Why would someone love me? Of course he left me, what was I thinking all these years?
Well guess what? It was not my fault. I am a good person, likable and I have a lot to contribute. I am a good friend and I was great wife! He turned into an idiot.
You have beauty in you, all you have to do is slowly work to see it yourself. "If you want something to change, you have to change what you do"
I wish you peace and strength
Moderator - Depression
"...when the gift of sight is cause enough for jubilation."
Billy Collins from the poem. HIGH
DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain;Hemicrania Continua; Complex Migraines: raynauds;Complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder with psychotic features.
Post Edited (BnotAfraid) : 10/29/2018 12:11:33 PM (GMT-6)