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Recently diagnosed after 8 long years...

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Depression
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ktp812
Veteran Member
Joined : Jul 2007
Posts : 732
Posted 10/26/2018 1:56 PM (GMT -7)
Believe it or not after suffering for 8 years with chronic symptoms I was just last week diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety.
Not one doctor ever did the assessment to find out if this was the case. Instead I was diagnosed with CFS even though I never came close to fitting that criteria. I am not here to complain but to ask some advice since I am new to this even though I suspected this was the cause of my symptoms.

First my main symptom is chronic fatigue and becoming exhausted easily. I am extremely restless and never feel calm. I do not have the ability to relax. I also at times feel very disconnected and weird. Those are the worse times as I don’t feel safe to drive...too spacey feeling. I know those are also anxiety symptoms. I also cry a lot because I am so tired all the time...I wake unrested and need pills to fall asleep. I feel guilty...worthless...ashamed.

I know what brought me to this point but I am having a hard time with the fact that that’s all in the past. I live in a beautiful home...wonderful community and only a few minutes from my granddaughter. My husband is amazing and has supported me 100 percent.

I had Lyme in 2006 and did a lot of posting on the Lyme forum. I thankfully recovered after 6 years of various treatments which included oral antibiotics...IV Rocephin and daily Bicillin injections.

Now to my questions...my functional medicine doctor is the one who suspected depression/anxiety was the root of my debilitating symptoms and gave me the assessment test in her office. Since I am extremely sensitive to medications she wants me to do the DNA test to see which medication would be best. I am still waiting for the test kit.

If I do go on medication which will be a whole new thing for me ...will it actually make me feel normal again and get rid of my debilitating fatigue? I realize no one here is a doctor but in your experience has this happened to anyone?
My life has basically been put on hold since 2010 when I feel the depression probably started and has become worse all these years. Along with anxiety which is just as debilitating. Some days the fatigue is so intense I can’t do anything.

I am truly hoping this doctor has it right because I am to the point of wanting to check out even though I have a great husband and beautiful granddaughter. It’s so hard to face every day feeling like this..

Sorry this is so long...I have read the resources and they were very helpful especially on the disassociation feeling I get.

So will the meds work or will I probably need therapy as well? Thanks...
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getting by
Forum Moderator
Joined : Sep 2007
Posts : 44945
Posted 10/26/2018 2:42 PM (GMT -7)
Hi ktp812...

Welcome to the depression forum. I am glad you joined us, but sorry for the reason... Eight years of untreated depression is tough. I am glad you and the doctor are looking into it.

It can take up to six to eight weeks for antidepressants to reach their full potential. Working on therapy during this time can be helpful. Plus working on your own toolbox of coping skills. It generally takes therapy, medication and the coping skills. These three things work good together.

A lot of the skills require breathing exercises. They help a ton with anxiety levels. Breathing properly can reduce anxiety by slowing down the breathing and the heartbeat. It really comes in handy during high stress situations.

I think it is great you are moving in such a productive direction. I think with the right medications you will feel better sooner than the six to eight weeks. I have found some medications to work rather quickly. But it is a subtle change when it happens. You gradually start to feel better.

I have fibromyalgia and I believe it was accompanied with chronic fatigue syndrome. I have found walking helps to gain energy. I also take Adderall and it gives me some energy. It might be something you would be interested in. It is a stimulant though. Not a lot of people want to take them. I have been taking it for many years. I don't know if I could function without it. I couldn't before. Though it gives me energy to do things which in turn gives me more energy. When I first got fibromyalgia, I had to hang onto furniture just to get around my house. I couldn't function enough to go to appointments. My husband had to drive me everywhere and help with shopping and everything I had to do. Now I can do those things on my own. I was so fatigued that I slept the first two years. I mean everyday and at night too. I was so bad I had restless leg syndrome all the time from not doing anything.

I take three medications for depression. Pristiq, Abilify and Xanax (as needed). The Xanax is the only as needed one. The other two I take everyday.

I don't know how bad yours is. Any fatigue is bad I think. Not being able to do the things that you use to do. Plus in the meantime we are aging. That doesn't help...

I hope that you feel better soon. I am glad you found the resources. There is a lot of good stuff there.

Take care and keep posting as it helps.

Hugs, Karen...
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NiceCupOfTea
Elite Member
Joined : Jan 2010
Posts : 11009
Posted 10/27/2018 5:29 AM (GMT -7)
I know what brought me to this point but I am having a hard time with the fact that that’s all in the past.

It sounds like you are traumatised by past experiences? I can't quite tell. You don't have to say anything here if you don't want to, but if that is the problem then therapy could help. You would need a very good therapist though - research thoroughly and try to find one which specialises in your issues. There is no shame in trying different therapists until you find one you click with.

As for medication, if it successfully treats the depression then it should make your fatigue lift. Be aware though, that some antidepressants can be sedating and leave you feeling groggy. Sometimes the grogginess does get better after the first couple of weeks, but in my experience it never goes away completely. I know some people don't mind the sedating/numbing effect - my friend is one - but I personally don't like it. It makes me feel even more dissociated from myself than I already am.

As with therapists, try to find a good psychiatrist if you can. I hope you can get the help you need: depression is a hell I wouldn't wish on anyone.
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ktp812
Veteran Member
Joined : Jul 2007
Posts : 732
Posted 10/27/2018 5:42 AM (GMT -7)
Hi Karen- Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post. I am lucky in the fact that I had almost always been able to do things physically like walking everyday or chores etc. I have more problems with the mental aspect...like socializing ...shopping...driving..things that are mentally draining.
It got to the point where I had to force myself to go out and walk which is something I had always loved to do. I also take a lot of nature photos which I also loved doing. But it became hard for me to get motivated.

I also feel a lot of my depression is from social isolation. We recently moved to a 55+ community and I am in the “younger” group of people that live here. My husband still works so he isn’t around. I haven’t been able to click with anyone here yet as the few I have met are critical and negative people and we certainly don’t need that!

I am also thinking about not going the medication route. I am going to have to wait till I get the DNA test done and talk with my doctor. I have a terrible time with medications as long ago I tried celexa and lexapro and both were a nightmare. Since my doctor is functional medicine I am going to ask about other supplements.

I already am doing HeartMath training and my positive thoughts training so I am hoping those will help as well.
I know I need to get out socially or look for a part time job as I quit my job of 22 years to move here. That played a huge factor in all this. I am not use to being home all day with nothing to do. I think that played a part in the anxiety too.

I see the doctor in a couple weeks but haven’t even received the test kit yet so no decisions will be made yet.
I just got home from vacation and felt pretty good during it because I was active and had no time to think negative thoughts so that’s a plus.

I can’t go on like I have been for all these years so I have to give this some serious thought....I am really afraid of prescription meds....my brain doesn’t seem to get along well with them.
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ktp812
Veteran Member
Joined : Jul 2007
Posts : 732
Posted 10/27/2018 5:54 AM (GMT -7)
@ NiceCupOfTea...I have had a lot of mental trauma in past years but I felt I had overcome it all. I feel that moving from our home of 33 years to a different state NH to NC played a big factor in my depression. I left all my friends and my job of 22 years which I loved.
We are in a 55+ community and most of the people are much older than me ...not that it’s bad but I haven’t been able to connect really with anyone yet.

I am socially isolated daily where I had been use to working (in a pharmacy) and interacting with people on a daily basis.. My husband is still working so away most of the day.
I got into a rut of nothing to do which is partly my fault and as I got more depressed and tired I lost the motivation to even try.

A lot of things happened in a short period of time which I think tossed me over the edge....I mean chronic fatigue has been present since Lyme but it never felt like this.
I don’t like feeling numb or groggy at all which is why I am so hesitant to take medications. I already feel disconnected and tired on a daily basis.

I am hoping to try supplements first and keep up with my HeartMath and other things the doctor has me doing. I have to get out socially as well so I have something to keep me occupied as I am very bored too.
I can’t make any medication decisions till I get the test done and results...
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getting by
Forum Moderator
Joined : Sep 2007
Posts : 44945
Posted 10/27/2018 6:43 AM (GMT -7)
ktp812,

I am glad you like to walk. And take nature photos. That is one of the best things you can do for yourself.

There are supplements too that can help with depression. I hope you find what works for you.

It is cool you can take a test to see what would work for you. Mine has been all trial and error. But I have been on the same med for about 8 years now. It has kept me feel well.

I have never taken any that made me feel numb but I took Remeron which made me real sleepy. That didn't last long.

I hope you find a job you like. I have been thinking of working again but am dealing with diabetes now and I have to eat every two hours or I get low blood sugar which is no fun at all. So once I get this under control I might start looking for a part time job too.

I hope you have a lovely day. Raining here, darn.... I wanted to go for a walk this morning. Maybe in the afternoon.

Hugs, Karen...
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ktp812
Veteran Member
Joined : Jul 2007
Posts : 732
Posted 10/27/2018 7:45 AM (GMT -7)
Hi Karen- I really am thinking too far ahead. I first need to take the Genomind DNA test to find out what would work best for me. I am not sure just taking supplements would work as I am pretty bad off. The anxiety sometimes feels worse than the depression but whatever it is the Fatigue is the real knockout punch.

I have been on Wellbutrin long ago (2005) when I actually had Lyme but was diagnosed with depression. I was so sick at the time I am not sure if it did any good. I had no side effects from that one. I was on Celexa for ten days and couldn’t even tolerate half the pill. It took me 10 days to get off it . Lexapro made me feel like I was in outer space.

I took remeron once and was hung over for two days. That was for sleep long ago.

I am making more of an effort to walk daily although it rained here all day yesterday. I live in a beautiful community where there are sidewalks and plenty of places to walk. I use to walk 4-5 miles daily before the fatigue became too much.

I usually wake up fine but within a couple hours I feel terribly tired and lethargic which is probably when I should go out and walk...living in NC I can pretty much walk outside Year round.

I am taking omega fish oil and an adrenal supplement the doctor gave me at the moment. That’s all besides my Levothyroxine and vitamin D.

Hope you can get out for a bit. It’s still cloudy here but I am going to get out for a walk anyway.

Kim
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getting by
Forum Moderator
Joined : Sep 2007
Posts : 44945
Posted 10/27/2018 8:55 AM (GMT -7)
Hi Kim,
Sadly it is still raining. October has been full of rain this time around. I do have a rain coat, but it is also cold. Excuses I know... I am in Michigan so it can get hard to get out in the winter. I use to cross country ski. I don't have the stamina anymore, but I try. If I ski in the winter I feel a lot better. But I am pushing 60 this year and have slowed down a lot with the fibromyalgia. I am going to try to ski this winter though. I use to walk so much when I was younger. I had a way to get out to the woods though and two dogs I took along with me. Now I just walk around the block or a couple blocks.

We have always talked about moving to NC. I have some friends down there. They are relatives of my first husband that passed away in 2000. I still keep in contact with them. I understand it is hot in the summer though. I wish I was rich enough, I would go down in the winter and come back here in the summer. Dream on eh?

Yea, I didn't like Remeron at all. I wasn't on it very long.

I liked Wellbutrin, in fact my psychologist says I could add it to the mix if I wanted to. I just can't take a high dose of it as it gave me insomnia. But you don't usually gain any weight on it. And it gives you some energy. I liked that part. Maybe it is something to think about. But I keep forgetting you are going to get that test to see what would be the best fit. That is awesome.

I tried buspar, Zoloft, paxil, and Prozac and they all had side effects. I didn't get them in the beginning as most people do, but about two months after the meds worked good for depression, I got bad side effects that wouldn't go away. That was kind of a crusher to me. As it happened over and over. Finally I tried Effexor and took that for about 15 years. Then when it went generic, I switched to Pristiq. That has been working for a long time. I am at the max dose though.

I would say if you can manage with out the antidepressants, that is the best way to go. But some of us need them too badly. If you get the right one, it is like a miracle.

I take fish oil too. I take a lot of pills and supplements. Vitamin D3 helps me a lot but I am not out in the sun a lot. If I miss a dose I notice it by the end of the day from the way I feel. Magnesium helps a little with muscle pain from the fibromyalgia. Then I take calcium and a multivitamin. I fill my husband and my pill boxes on Saturdays. It is like an all day affair. I have three pill boxes and he has one. I am like a walking pharmacy.

I have to eat right due to diabetes. That gets old fast, but I have lost weight so I am happy in that respect.

I have found the walks to help a lot. Even if I go to Walmart and walk a lot there. Just as long as I keep moving. I am sure you can relate.

I like taking photos and I have a pretty good camera, I just need to sit down and read the book so I know how to use it right. I can zoom in but there is so much more that it does. And of course I forget to carry it when I go out in the woods.

I hope you have a good rest of the day Kim. I hope you get sunshine, we might this afternoon, but it looks pretty dreary today...

Hugs, Karen...
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ktp812
Veteran Member
Joined : Jul 2007
Posts : 732
Posted 10/27/2018 11:29 AM (GMT -7)
Hi Karen- Well it is still cloudy here with a chilly wind. I haven’t attempted to walk outside yet. It is very humid here from June to September so in order to walk it’s either early morning or after the sun goes down. I usually just wear a hat and cool clothing and I am okay. It’s kind of funny because being from NH I am use to the cold so while I am out in shirt sleeves everyone else has coats and gloves on!
I would love to live in NH part of the time and here the other...especially the summer months. I miss the fall too...

I am kind of hoping I test for Wellbutrin since I have been on it before. I use to take my second dose before 3pm so it wouldn’t interfere with my sleep as I have enough trouble even taking Lunesta sometimes doesn’t work.

I recently lost 8 lbs just like that... no reason so that gave me another clue I had depression. Even my PCP mentioned my weight loss but didn’t investigate any reasons why. I really am not a fan of doctors.
I really feel the anxiety is the major cause of my fatigue...I feel restless all the time...am super aware of my heart beating...get fatigued really easily...can’t relax or rest during the day. I usually try to keep moving all the time.

I talked with my husband this morning about medications. He is a pharmacist so is familiar with all of them. I know this is crazy but I am most concerned about gaining weight. I work hard to stay in shape and I don’t want to gain. I am going to talk with the doctor about options as I honestly feel anxiety is more of the problem.

I have been on tons of medications over the past ten years...at least 30 different ones...maybe more. All kinds for Lyme...or sleep...or whatever they thought would help. I have also tried at least 35-40 different supplements. We have spent thousands of dollars trying to help me feel better when besides the Lyme it was actually depression/anxiety. Thousands on tests and doctors...Acupuncture...Intergrative doctors...insane!

Well I am going to take a short walk to get some fresh air ....take care

Kim
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getting by
Forum Moderator
Joined : Sep 2007
Posts : 44945
Posted 10/27/2018 12:19 PM (GMT -7)
Believe it or not, the sun is trying to come out here. But it isn't being very successful. But things have lightened up a little.

I am hoping you test well for Wellbutrin too. It sounds like it could help you in a lot of ways. I am not positive, but I think Lexapro is weight neutral, but I have heard of people actually losing weight on the Wellbutrin. I took Prozac and gained weight just looking at food. At least that is how it seemed. I hated it.

I just lost about 20 pounds but 10 of it was from my blood sugar going real high and the other 10 I lost with a new diet. No sugar... Even though I haven't been able to walk. And I still feel like I am eating a lot because I have to eat so many times a day. Just small portions.

I am sick of doctors too. I see my family doctor plus diabetes dr. and a foot doctor right now and it seems like every time I turn around I go. Plus my psychologist. I am sick of medications too and checking my blood. But what can we do? I think that the older we get the more things start to wear out or go wrong. Physically I mean. I guess I am in for a whole bunch of stuff in the future. Though I try not to think about that. Living in the now is the best way to go. Keeps me from thinking too much.

Pharmacists know a lot about medications. You are lucky you are married to one. Didn't you say you worked in a pharmacy too? I think you learn a lot from the patients and what they go through. Plus working with medications all day long.

I take Xanax for anxiety. I was pretty much off of them and then started to need them again. I am on the lowest dose and only 1 to 2 a day as needed. I use to take the highest milligram and four times a day. I hope to be off of it again soon as I can.

I hear that you have to take a lot of stuff for lymes. I hear that there are a lot of problems and complications. I hope that they can learn more to make it less stressful and painful. I have not had it. I am surprised because I use to spend a lot of time in the woods. But I am mostly out there in early spring looking for morel mushrooms. We get some ticks as it warms up. But then I stop going. I have never been bit but I have had one on me before. They are hard to kill.

I had acupuncture before. It was strange though. There were wires on all the needles. They would send electricity through them. I don't even know what it was suppose to do so I stopped going because it didn't seem to be helping. I tried physical therapy. It was stressful just going for me.

I hope you had a nice walk. I been cleaning today some. I never get a lot done but I try to do a little everyday. Tomorrow I usually take it easy. I don't know why. I guess because Sunday is a day of rest and I get lazy. Ha...

Take care Kim...
Hugs, Karen...
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