Welcome to the forum Forever Finding.
Shakespeare was an advocate for mental illness and because of the time he lived in, could only do so through his plays. However, I feel sure, that if your were able to talk to him today, he suggest you visit a doctor. http://theshakespeareblog.com/2012/03/shakespeares-minds-diseased-mental-illness-and-its-treatment/
Do you have a job to bring money in so you can use public transit?
Besides depression, do you have anything else you are dealing with? Such as drinking or a drug habit?
Not accusing, I don't know you, it is a question.
I have been in Crisis units - Psych Hospitals 5 times. It is not fun I agree. However, the 3rd time I realized that if I did not change something, this cycle would continue.
At the inpatient hospital tell the social worker you living situation, be 100% honest, be kind, do not sell or chase the person down.. get on the SW good side and they will help you find a Doc and Therapist.
I know it is their job. Reallity is they deal with nasty, belligerent people day in day out. So when a nice polite one comes a long, they will do more for that person. Plain Human response.
I have a chemical imbalance in my brain, I am now on meds and have not been back to crisis. I feel good and stay on my meds.
Random outbursts of anger is a serious thing and needs to be addressed, you could find yourself in
a dangerous if not life threatening situation if the anger hits at the wrong time and with the wrong person. You won't be able to see it coming.
I get your feelings about
police and doc. I grew up in a very abusive home and when they were called they never did anything. My father was friends with the chief of police. It was a small town.
How ever, it is different today [I am 58]. Police care, really for the most part, sure there are some. Taking you to crisis is the best thing.. SO much better than jail and an arrest for public disturbance.
I know it is humiliating, embarrassing, the feeling of not being able to wrap your mind around what they are saying and what you see as real, scares us to death. We want to run and fight. Flight or Fight.
Survival skill. However, the truth is to survive and move on we need help.
Now that you are alone with out a means of self transportation your depression can get worse and the anger outburst can intensify.
Since I know a little of what you are going through, may I urge you to go to the nearest ER and check into a crisis center. One of the hardest things you will ever do in your life. It may just save your life.
I was you peace, comfort and innerstrength
Moderator - Depression
"...when the gift of sight is cause enough for jubilation."
Billy Collins from the poem. HIGH
DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain;Hemicrania Continua; Complex Migraines: raynauds;Complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder with psychotic features. Laryngopharyngeal Reflux Disease [LPR]