Posted 2/13/2019 7:34 AM (GMT -7)
Karen, hello there. I remember you. Thank you for your reply. I guess the now seems so fleeting. I know some go for living in the now, some go day by day, and then there's me. I don't know how to stay in the now if things are good, at least for those few moments I mentioned. I'm probably destined to keep complaining or make changes. It's the whole sustainability issue: when I try to better myself, I usually fall short or it blows up in my face. Sometimes, to myself, I say, "Why complain and waste the time of someone else since you don't follow through anyway?" I don't usually find the walk relaxing. Many walk to "clear their head", but all I do is think more. Being alone with my thoughts is a scary thing.
HT, hey again. Nice to see you. Yep, we only go around once. I see logic in saving money and such, but tomorrow is never guaranteed, so it should be OK to live today a little. Thanks for the words. I'll have to think of a small goal. For example, I've learned saying, "I need to lose 80 pounds," makes it seem like a Herculian task. Lose is a horribly, horribly negative word we associate with anything that is bad. "Shed" should replace "lose". Apparently, much of it has to do with how we talk to ourselves. Also, I think I should be taking it pound by pound or coming up with a lesser goal. It took time to put the weight on; it'll take time to shed it off.
beagleman, cool name. Are you a dog person? Do you recall how you came to that wonderful realization? I look back on things and compare them to now and how, with some effort, I could have been just fine. Now, not so much. The physical health dictates everything. It feeds the emotional component bad things. That cycle isn't stopping. I tried something a year ago called Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS) and felt hope while I was getting the treatment. However, said treatment was only for a fixed amount of time. Once treatment stopped, I felt like my old self, and eventually stopped any medications pertaining to depression, my mood, things like that, since I saw no benefit from them. Living at home just seems best even though I'm not that much help to her. I'm an only child, too, so I don't play well with others. Leaving would also having me miss the dogs and if I went off on my own, I would probably be a complete recluse. I appreciate you taking the time to share.
Trina, hello. I remember you, too. I come in off and on. I do like short reads. There's one called, "If Satan Can't Steal Your Joy" or something like that as well. I have gifted it to a few people. There's also "The Go-Giver". I appreciate the recommendation and your support. I've noticed a lot of things we worry about really are temporary. From a pessimist's point of view, I try to tell myself, "This is temporary. Something else will come along and bother you, so you'll mostly forget all about this." ha. Sad, but true. However, this reflux and feeling handicapped and being in my own prison because of it doesn't go away. The fear of increasing my pain by doing is persistent as it was when I first had surgery. However, I also hurt myself by NOT doing. Muscles atrophy at a much faster pace than I would have believed. My doctor laid it out for me and said it's pretty much up to me. The "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink," saying comes to mind. Drug addicts and alcoholics can go to meeting like AA; but what does someone like me have? Forums like this? It seems like having a place to physically go and share could help. I binge watched the sitcom, Mom, pretty much from beginning to end and those meetings really help those people stay sober. I checked out Overeaters Anonymous, but the closest face-to-face is a few hours away, plus they're infrequent. Perhaps I could change that; instead of waiting for someone else to do it. I'm trying to take a little more out of what I watch instead of it just being mindless entertainment. Had I listened to TV closer growing up, I'd be in a lot better shape. For example, I watched a lot of Saved by the Bell. I could have learned how to dress and how to talk to women from Zack Morris. lol.
paul_t, thanks for swinging by, sir. I hope you can receive help from what I've been told as well.
Thanks to all.
"Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere." - Van Wilder, Van Wilder