Not doing great I'm afraid. I'm nowhere near going to Ireland; in fact I still haven't got all the necessary documentation - my Irish grandfather's birth certificate was just the start. I need to get on with it, but summoning the motivation to do anything is nearly impossible.
I'm just tired. Tired of the uveitis, tired of the Crohn's, tired of medical appointments which never go anywhere, and tired of fear. Lost hope of having a better life or of meeting anyone new. I can't talk to people in this state, so I don't. I think the uveitis was the final straw which broke me to be honest. I now have panic attacks about
going blind - a worry I did not have until a year or two ago. If I could see a decent eye doctor who could either convince me I won't go blind or get me onto some treatment other than steroid eye drops (which in their turn can cause sight-threatening complications), then maybe, just maybe, I would feel like somebody was on my side for a change. instead of me battling indifference everywhere I go. I even tried a private consultation at Moorfields and didn't like the doctor I saw.
So yeah, not much point posting while I'm in this state really. I'm just hanging on for my cataract operation on the 14th June. That scares me as well though, because if my vision somehow ends up worse I know I won't be able to cope with it.
Edit: Well, I had a shower and feel a tad better now :/ I am off to bed. Got to get up early tomorrow 'cos a repairmen is coming round to repair the heap of junk that is my kitchen cupboard - the door came away from the wall when I
opened it. And then I've another medical appointment, oh joy. What I would give to go back 20 years in time and never see another hospital waiting room. I ought to be grateful because I don't pay for my treatment and intellectually I am, but emotionally I am just so tired of it.
Anyway, I'm tired. Maybe I will feel a bit better tomorrow if I can grab enough sleep. Goodnight folks, I hope you are keeping well.
Post Edited (NiceCupOfTea) : 5/15/2019 5:31:05 PM (GMT-6)