Posted 6/14/2019 4:38 AM (GMT -6)
Summer is usually my best time of year...it scares me when my mood is so dark this time of year.
The rain is a big part of it...can't be outside, no sunshine. Other added factors just now are making it difficult, too.
On top of the usual frustrations here at home...daughters health issues and grandson apparently not motivated to get a job now that he's 18...disagreements with my friend...frustrations with the Landlord...stupid arguments with my partner...it's all 'ganging up on me' just now.
I'm usually pretty good about being on disability, unable to work to support myself...but recently my daughter and grandson look at me as if I know nothing at all if I comment on the goings on here. Much of the housework and petcare is still left to me, as though I was the maid and not the head of household. The garden is getting overrun by weed vines and isn't looking the way I'd like it to. I'm having some self worth battles again.
My partner is upset by the amount of time I spend on the computer...either following some things on Facebook or researching my daughter's health issues. She thinks I'm wasting my time with both. What she doesn't understand is...I have limited social interaction, too many hours to fill in a day, a body that won't cooperate with my mind, a need to feel useful...the computer is now a big part of my life. I'm not on it when she's here!
I'm dropping the committee I've been on for years. They cancel meetings with no explanation, don't meet in the summer, refuse to 'do the work'...pointless.
I have no passion for anything anymore. If I speak up about how the mobile home park I live in is deteriorating, I'm a 'trouble maker'. If I try to make sure everyone here is treated fairly by the Landlord, I become the target of the Landlord. I'm tired of fighting other people's battles for them. I will finish what I've started but I cannot take on any more.
Hopefully, the weather will dry out and I'll be able to dig myself out of this pit once again.
Oh, one last thing...I too suffer from mouth pain/tooth pain from the weather. I use a decongestant now and then and it helps. Sinus pressure can either give me mouth pain or a headache and sometimes both.
HT...I hear you loud and clear about winter wind! I don't care for wind anytime of year, but winter is the worst!
multiple surgeries for rotator cuff both shoulders with residual chronic impingement syndrome, ulnar nerve transposition, carpal tunnel release, multiple wrist surgeries, multiple herniated discs, tarlov cysts, whiplash, bursitis of hips, grade 5 right shoulder separation and torn labrum, ovarian cysts, fibroid tumors of the uterus