Hi folks. Thank you all for your messages - I can't believe how time flies when you're not having fun :-/
much has happened. I had my second cataract operation done about
3 weeks ago. It seemed to go okay, but when I saw the opthalmologist last week, he explained that I had something called Posterior Capsule Opacification. This is a pretty common complication of cataract surgery, but most people get it months or years later. I was not expecting to have it already, but apparently it appears quicker in people with uveitis. Anyway, it's easily cured with a laser treatment. The good news is it might sharpen up my blurry vision; the bad news is I have to wait 3 months.
Because of this I've decided to hold off on travelling. My vision isn't so bad I can't see, but the left eye ended up being blurrier than the right one and the overall effect is quite irritating. I was actually going to get some new glasses, but the opthalmologist advised me to wait. In the meantime I've got a cheap pair of bogstandard reading glasses. I can actually read better than I did before, but anything further than a foot and a bit away is useless. I was thinking of getting a pair of intermediate distance glasses as well, but I will wait until I've had this laser treatment done (luckily both eyes can be treated at once.)
I'm still thinking about
getting a dog >_>.
I am still off the quetiapine (Seroquel). Ironically enough, stopping it didn't solve the issue I had stopped it for in the first place (blurry vision), but I decided not to resume it anyway. Different reasons really, but the main one was that the grogginess was getting worse over time. I hadn't increased the dose in a year, yet I went from being relatively functional to being barely able to function during the daytime - by the late evening I would wake up and feel lively, then not get to sleep until 4 or 5am. When I stopped the quetiapine, I didn't get a wink of sleep for 3 days. Then over the next 4 weeks, I would get a couple of hours here and there at most. That I manage to fall asleep fairly easily now I credit to melatonin. Started taking 300mcg 4 hours before bedtime. And as long as I remain consistent with taking it at the same time every night, it works.
So..... what's the problem? I'm sleeping okay, I can even make morning appointments now!
I don't really know. Seroquel is a strong drug and even at my relatively low dose, it still made me feel like I was wrapped in a chemical security blanket at times. I kind of miss that comforting numbness. Now I'm numb but in an even.... number way, which I wasn't expecting when I stopped it. When I'm not utterly unable to feel anything at all, I feel only one of two things: rage or dread. The other night I tried to feel sadness, which I know
is there, and it was almost impossible - I had to go through an exhausting and grim rage first, silently, because it was night time and my neighbours were probably asleep above me.
As for happiness, lol, what is that? <_<
I am hoping that this is still a readjustment to the quetiapine. I stopped it 6-7 weeks ago and all the physical side-effects (the extreme itching, temperature regulation issues, insomnia, etc.) have gone now. But I do know it can take a long time for the brain
to return to homeostasis - neurotransmitters to return to normal levels, receptors to recover, etc. With opiates especially, there is a post-acute withdrawal syndrome which can last for months. But it can occur with other types of drugs too.
I've been on a lot of other psychiatric meds too, and I do wonder how they've messed with my brain. The trouble is, nothing really works for me and I can't cope with life, people, the universe, everything. Even spiders are a source of fear for me, especially in the late summer (that's right now, guys). Let me tell the story of spiderbro. A few weeks ago I was coming home late one night from my parents' house. Before I entered the block of flats, I looked at the doorway for a few seconds, subconsciously scanning for spiders. I saw nothing. Reached for the door when a massive
house spider scuttled past it at great speed, just missing my hand. Dear god, where did it come from? I probably broke a world record that night for backwards long-jumping. I just had time to see the spider go into the corner between the door and the wall.
Now that wall happened to be the wall of my flat - my bedroom specifically. Once I had summoned up the courage to enter my flat, I sprayed spider repellent around all the doors and window frames and if I could have erected "No Spider" signs, I would have done that too. Well, to cut this exciting story short, spiderbro lived up there in that corner for 3 weeks
. He would swivel around from time to time, and occasionally he even moved an actual centimetre or so! His life was nearly as pointless as mine, bless him. Anyway, a few days ago spiderbro packed his bags and left for new and undiscovered corners. To my surprise, I was a little bit sad to see him gone
I had got used to him, although I'm still terrified of seeing a massive house spider inside my flat. I can't rationalise my way out of this phobia either: god only knows I've tried. Maybe the next step is to try a spider as a pet.... >.>
Okay, well I've rambled enough :p It's pretty much my bedtime now anyway (that entire post took a lot longer to write than I thought it would). Goodnight folks; take care everyone and I hope you are all keeping well - or, at least, as well as is possible.
Dx Crohn's in June 2000. (Yay )
Tried: 5-ASAs, azathioprine, 6MP, Remicade, methotrexate, Humira, Entyvio, diet.
1st surgery 20/2/13 - subtotal colectomy with end ileostomy.
2nd surgery 10/7/15 - ileorectal anastomosis. Stoma reversed and ileum connected to the rectum.
Current meds: 50mg 6MP; Stelara (started 15th July '19)