Posted 8/28/2019 12:56 AM (GMT -6)
Hello, I’m new to this forum and before writing this I got some good information from the pinned thread and had read another mans concerns with his wife’s depression. I personally do not know where to start, but recently a little over a week ago things took a turn so quickly my head is still spinning. I’m so confused, heartbroken, frustrated, I don’t ever ask for help, but I’m not getting any from parents on either side. I told her parents that we need to be a “rock” for her, a strong foundation. It right now looks like I’m going to be alone in the healing process,
She had told me she had been depressed for around 2 months (either I’m blind or she was hiding it), I started to notice her over worrying 10-11 days ago. It’s hard to give a exact time because weeks have been feeling like days and all of them are blurred. Last Wednesday I do remember however, because my wife and I were sorting out the laundry on our bed, myself on one side and her on the other. She stopped out of the blue and puts her hands on the bed and it looked like she was just tired or maybe thinking about something. Then she lets out a pain like noise as if your gut turned and she fainted. I was caught off guard I ran over and started patting her cheek calling her name, she came to and after about 10 min of sitting and holding her, she was ready enough to lay in bed. She fell asleep and would wake up asking if this and that got done and I would tell her “yes, it’s all done let’s get some sleep”, she would fall asleep and she would wake up again asking the same question, I would respond with the same answer. This loop happened probably 8 times in about 45 min time. From that night on everything changed drastically, I’m dealing with 2 different people it feels like.
Since that little scare her attitude is like a light switch and I’m on egg shells because ANYTHING can set her off. I quickly learned when she throws verbal punches to just let them roll off, i’ve recognized when her mood has changed because she can’t think straight, talk coherently, and feels like I need to be lectured on how things need to happen. Common sense is absent at these points and it’s all rambling. I take a deep breath and just take it. She worries about the past and the next day, little things turn into massive giants( such as getting the kids ready for school), night time recently have been real bad because of those worries. She has punched walls (more then once) and slammed her head on the cabinet (one time). She says she needs my help and when I ask what can I do to help, she tells me nothing and to just go away and that’s just one of many wants but doesn’t want. I’m dealing with a double edged sword and it’s frustrating. I’m doing everything I can to stay strong when she can’t be,
I dread coming home because who knows what lays in wait for me. Our kids (6 and 4) do not seem to be showing any sadness or reflecting how they are seeing mama, I had told my wife, “we need to get you checked out”, ohhhhh how naive I am to say such a stupid thing, I feel lucky to be tying this now. But I manned up and told her I want her in to have a check up, get blood work done and check blood pressure and so on, then we will take steps from there to tackle this thing. She wants nothing to do with it. She thinks there is nothing that will come of it, I told her it’s a starting point. I am very tired, but staying strong I think. She is trying to handle it herself which in turn is breaking us down. She is not on any meds for anything. I don’t know if this is a combination of past guilt and repetition of day to day life or just the daily repetition. Her eating is so minimal it makes her sick. I’m sorry I gotta stop, I can keep going, it’s late and I hope I made sense enough. Thanks to all in advance