Posted 11/18/2019 12:29 PM (GMT -6)
It’s been a while. Let me catch you guys up. Had my first baby this past Feb. the bay is happy and healthy but unfortunately I experienced some severe post pardum depression for a month or two afterwards. I’m on medication and was feeling better until some big life changes- we bought a house and just had to put down my life-long dog last week. He was ill for a while but being a big dog lover and having had him in my life for over 13 years, I’m feeling really down.
So where I’m at now- still having a difficult time with daily functions. My support system is great. I go to counseling every other week. My parents watch my daughter and my husband is great. I’m on medication to help with the depression and anxiety. Recently swapped to try and better manage the anxiety.
More specifically I’m feeling overwhelmed with the feeling of sadness and grief about my dog. I miss him terribly. I just go through the motions for my daughter and try to keep it together to do functions of the day- make dinner, do laundry, make sure stuff gets done, etc.
Sometimes all I want to do is disappear. I know my daughter needs me and her life is better with me. I won’t do anything to hurt myself. Let’s get that straight. But....when my husband and I get into a tift or I’m having a bad day, I can’t help think, wow, this place would be so much better without me. I just wish I didn’t exist. Idk if if that’s me talking or the depression. It’s hard to say when you’re in the thick of it.
I don’t even know if this is considered post pardum any more since I’m technically 9 months after giving birth to my daughter. I mean, idk. It’s been a month or so since I’ve switched medications too, so I’d think I’d have seen a difference. It’s only been a week and a half since the passing of my precious dog though. Idk. Just looking for some support and insight.