Hey All, I'm new here and I would like to introduce myself. My name is Melissa, I live in Quebec, Canada I'm 21 years old, and proud parent, and I've been suffering from manic depression since I was 13. From ages 13 to 16 were the worst years of my life. So hard. Then around 17 years of age things let up a bit and I was good until I was 19 - I had my first episode in 2 years and boy was it a doozie! From then on I've been slipping in and out of light depressions until November 2005. In November I slipped into a massive depression and now, 4 months later, it still hasn't let up. I'm freaking out, everytime I slip into a severe depression I withdraw from everything, when I was younger and depressed I dropped out of school because of it, when I was 19 I broke up with my son's father because of the depression and now at 21 I've lost my job because of the depression. I'm so sick of feeling like this, the thoughts that go thru my head I can't help but wonder why I'm so messed up. I haven't gone to my doctor about it because every other time I did, he'd slap me with a prescription of Paxil and send me on my merry way. Now - as far as I'm concerned Paxil doesn't do crap! I was on it for a long time and it never helped. So I started seeking the help from trained professionals, just to be told I was a spoiled brat and that that was my problem. After that, I gave up on looking for help and tried to help myself... boy did that ever go wrong. I thought if I started a journal I could slowly dig myself out of the hole I was in - that didn't work. Lately I've been thinking maybe I'm better off in a nut-house. Like seriously, I'll admit I had a rought life of abuse and all - and between that and the depression, I am seriously messed up. I live in fear of screwing up my life so bad that it affects my son, and I REALLY don't want that. I have all these dreams and goals but I keep getting run of course because of this darn depression. I'm just so fed up. At this point I don't know what I can do to just be normal. I don't really talk to anyone about it even tho I should. But what do I say? Anyways - I came here not sure what I'm looking for, but maybe being here and talking with other people will inspire me somehow.