I came across this board, and decided to post a message because I am feeling very isolated and worthless. I do not feel comfortable talking about this with people I know because I get the feeling that I am being a burden. But this isolation feeling is taking its toll on my mental health and physical health.
about a year ago, I initiated a divorce. It became final yesterday. I had been married for ten years, but found no satisfaction in my marriage and felt it wasn't fair to continue to stay married. Later that year, I got laid off. I also met someone that I really care about. That helped last year until recently.
Before I get into that, let me say that while I was going through the divorce and layoff, I did seek help because of suicidal urges I would feel. I was placed on Wellbutrin XL 300. I am still taking it to this day.
This man I am seeing is a nice guy, but is starting to have certain behaviors, in my perception, that remind me of someone in my past who has hurt me badly. I am torn because I recognize that I am going through another depressive state and could be blowing this out of porportion. However, I also believe in following my instincts. It's too hard to tell which is correct, and therefore find myself going through mood swings, such as depression, anger, and ultimately happiness (not euphoria though) because I calm myself down by convincing myself that I am fine and nothing is wrong. But the next day, the feeling is worse. My body has started to react to signs of depression and anxiety. I can't sleep, have no appetite, am constantly feeling obsessed and crazed. I can't let these thoughts go. Last night, I felt suicidal again. And now I am constantly in a crying fit.
I can't talk to him about how I am feeling because I am not ready to hear the truth, should my instincts be correct. But I can't take this anymore. Usually, there are many times where I can handle situations like these with no problem. However, in this particular case, I feel that I am insignificant and lost.
I know I need to go back to the doctor. But I need help with coping strategies. Breathing doesn't help. Hobbies with friends don't help either. I am looking for something to get me through until I see the doctor again. And when I get to the doctor, what is he more than likely to do?
Sorry for the long post. But thanks for the time.