Posted 1/21/2020 1:08 PM (GMT -7)
I am new here. I’m looking for advice or words of comfort. I’ve had a really difficult four years. It started when my husband lost his job twice in six months (he is working now and has had the same job for a few years - thankfully!). In the following two years, I had a miscarriage (that I still feel grief about) and the experience led to a falling out with a close friend and then... I lost my job. Some other info is that when I lost my job I had a newborn and subsequently got really intense postpartum depression. I went back to work when my son was six months old but did not even last a year on the job. I did manage to get promoted during this time. But the stress of the promotion was too much and I had to resign with no back-up job. I need to get back to work but I’m feeling so insecure.
My former friend is someone I was friends with for over 20 years. We have many mutual friends. I miss her and I also miss the friend group. I see a couple of them individually and pretty regularly. Only some of us live close to each other so I just assumed that the group was no longer hanging out. But I saw pictures of them all together this past weekend. I assumed that if the whole group were getting together, I’d still be included even though one friend and I aren’t friends anymore. We’ve seen each other a couple of times since we had our falling out and have been more than civil.
I’ve been very sad and anxious for almost a year and a half (shortly after my son was born). But over the last week, I was starting to feel better. I was enjoying my time home as an opportunity to be with my son more, was being social with friends who have stuck by me and who I’ve met over the past year. I was feeling hopeful about new jobs. I’m trying to switch industries so it’s hard but I was feeling okay. Then I saw those photos and since then all I can think of is what I’ve lost - a job/career, a pregnancy, a friend and being able to see a group of friends. I ended up unfriending the former friend on social media, which I now feel stupid about. I tried to give myself a moment and think why am I doing this? Ultimately I decided I was too emotionally vulnerable to keep that connection to her. But now it feels like a knee jerk reaction.
I feel so insecure. I feel like no job will want me. I’m questioning if my friends who have stuck by me will keep doing so. I even get scared my husband will leave me because I’m such a mess!
I seldom feel this insecure. And I feel lonely and hopeless. I feel like I should just be getting over all my insecurities, focus on my toddler, my remaining friends and my marriage. But I keep getting scared I will lose every last person and thing I hold sacred.
How do people cope with such insecurities? How can I get myself back on the road to recovery?