I am sorry everyone is having such a hard time.
It is certain challenging and that is an understatement!!
Weary, I can only suggest some things, You may have done some of them.
I would say your sons death was an accident, EMTs do not usually search out the parents of a suicide victim, because they know the question left behind destroys families. They would however, make sure the parents know it was not suicide.
Try to be kind with yourself. You lost a child, no matter how old. You will never get over it, the rawness will subside in time. Everyone is different in how much time.
buy 4 rubber crib sheets put them on the bed under fitted sheet. It will save taking up the mattress pad.
Learn some nursing aid skills to make it easier for you. Did you apply for a Hoyer lift/wheel chair for her bad days to get her in and out of bed ?
Suggestion to use:
Waterproof Reusable Incontinence Bed Pads Washable Incontinence Underpads 8 Cups Absorbency，Non-Slip Mattress Protector for Adults, Kids and Pets(34”x 36” inch 2 Pack)
Reusable Commercial Quality Ultra Waterproof Sheet and Mattress Pad Protector, All Sizes, 10 Cups Absorbency, Made in America. (34x36)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ixll2j8bnuhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3dtzfsrxrzc
Weary I hope this helps