Hey, I am new here.
Depression seems to be a chronic condition for me. It's been with me for the past 10 years or so. It just sort of comes and goes. It lurks under the surface for a while, and I feel fine, then something will happen to make it come up. I guess I am genetically pre-disposed, and then things in my environment trigger it? I don't know. That must be it, since I can't seem to get rid of it completely.
Anyway right now I am feeling so sad it hurts to breathe. I don't even know why. I guess I just feel alone. Plus February is such a crappy month...so cold and grey outside, and it seems like everyone is dying (nobody I know personally, but I keep hearing about friends' relatives dying and such). And my life is so unexciting. Nothing seems to ever happen. I feel sedated, like that guy from American Beauty. I wish I were better at making friends. I am always alone everywhere I go. I can't stand it anymore. I just want to curl up in bed and sleep forever. I will not let myself do that though. I will fail my midterms if I do that!! So I will just do my best to continue functioning. I had a hard time making myself dinner tonight. I just wanted to not eat and not care. It's so hard, but I will try hard to feel better. I will look into getting counsilling again. I tried it twice before and it didn't work, but maybe 3rd try is the charm. Anyway that's all I have to say for now. I look forward to talking to you people on here!