Posted 8/9/2020 4:27 PM (GMT -7)
Hi my friends whom I lean on and appreciate your support so much,
I thought I would start a new thread so I don't encroach on other subjects from other friends in need of support. Hope to support you on those threads.
So here's where I'm at.
We left off where we were in the middle of a power outage and MIL's care was just too much for us to bear. Constantly refusing to use walker-having had a 2nd fall since she's been with us. Many before that. Refusing to drink adequate liquids causing constipation which led to laxatives which led to messes that ruined carpets and caused major clean up. Refusing to take care of personal hygiene. Refusing to do PT exercise. Getting angry when we enforced rules on these subjects and turning into a petulant child refusing to eat, drink or take her meds. Wetting herself and our furniture despite wearing depends and pads.Talking so off the wall more and more each day- crazy, crazy things too complicated and strange to get in to. Saying very rude and unkind things to me who was the one sleeping on the floor in the livingroom in case she came out walking in the middle of the night without her walker, made and gave her all her meals, tried to get her to exercise- doing them with her, trying to get her to drink, supervised her getting in and out of the shower, the one who when she was in a sling from the fall she broke her arm and cracked her head on- got her in and out of bed, got her up from sit to stand, pulled her pants on and off, etc. etc.
She refused to give POA to my husband- all she talked about is that she was always fine the way things are and wasn't giving the lawyer her money. Tried to explain it had nothing to do with money- it had to do with if her health failed- husband could answer for her- if she didn't want that it would go in the hands of the state- who would she rather? She'd rather not think about it. It was too late. This should have been addressed years ago when she lived with her daughter who then tried to pass her on to us 4 months after our son died, but then passed her on to the oldest daughter when we didn't respond, who then had her dropped off to us when she had enough.
Bottom line- we were exhausted and physically and mentally. Her needs and level of care surpassed out capabilities to care for her safely.
She fell during the power outage in her room behind a closed door where she was sulking over having rules. My husband called her for lunch and she said OK! He said to me it sounds like she was standing right there at the door. She didn't come out so I opened the door and there she was laying on the floor. She told me 3 or 4 stories about falling or not falling and trying to scoot on the floor and if I gave her a couple minutes she could get up (NOT)
This was the 2nd fall in 2 weeks and we decided not to try and lift her ourselves and call an ambulance and have her checked out as she was having other problems with rapid mental decline, swelling, not drinking, going to the bathroom etc.
So, they took her and said the hospital would call when check up was done.
When they called to say no broken bones husband had to tell them we could not take her back here. Explained all the background and the issues we were dealing with. They said they were so sorry and that they will get her placed in a home. We gave them the names of the other siblings and phone numbers. We don't know if anyone is POA. executor of a will or what her financials are.
They keep calling here for help. She refuses to take her meds, won't take a Covid test so she can be placed etc.
I have put this back on my husband. I made him take a bag packed with some PJs slippers, undergarments and outfit to go to the nursing home in etc. He didn't want to go. I was feeling really bad that she was barefoot in a bathrobe when they took her out and must feel abandoned. He was afraid if he went they might pressure him to take her home. He went and he's glad he did.
She's not allowed to wear clothes and has an alarm on her bed and chair because she's such a fall risk- plus she has a camera in the room and is right across from the nurses station. She is acting out, won't take meds or covid test but husband got her to do- they were so thankful. She knows she's going to a home and was inquiring lucid to him about which ones but just as quickly went around the bend with many outlandish stories.
Sigh. It's a sad situation, especially with Covid in the picture but I have accepted the fact that we tried our best and despite everything we made the best decision to say she can't come back here.
Now that she has clothes there and my husband visited- I am removing myself of any guilt or obligation. I told him this is between him and his mother,
However I'm still on edge and when I try to sleep I am having disturbing dreams about taking care of her and not being able to. A little PTSD
It should get better- thanks for listening