My ex when I was with him always had alot of insecurities about himself he never thought highly of himself at all or his life or hes job which always seems to cause him stress which he always wants to do the best and never feels its good enough. He was in an emotional abusive relationship before me she uset to put him down and make him awful about himself and even attacked him physically. We live about an hour and a half away from each other. I wasnt perfect in our relationship but did my best to love and support him.
But since he broke up with me in march, we spoke off and on until june then I didnt contact him as he wasnt giving me any clear answers. In august he came back and said he regretted leaving me and i was the best thing that had happened to him. He did keep repeating how well i seemed to be doing and how he has achieved nothing with his life and spoke quite negative of himself. I told him to prove his words so he started arranging for us to meet up with me so we could sort things out but after 3 attempts it fell through his side each time. I could never understand why he wanted to see me so much but when it came to meeting he just couldnt do it.
We didnt speak for a month though he did like 2 of my posts he never reached out and then we spoke briefly a few days ago (through his son) but it was like he was all nice and seem to act like he hadnt just ignored me for whole month and i was upset naturally with how he left things. So i decided to call him out on it and said your not the man I fell in love with and also think i will always be here.
He said he was he was scared since we split hes life and health has gotten worst and mine seemingly has gotten better he was intimidated and daunted by that. He said that I could do better than him and i deserve alot more. He said hes never felt so low and he had also starting drinking 3 times a week burying his head in a bottle he says that drinking right now is all he has and that he is in a circle of denial that he has no time to help himself. He said all he wants is for me to be happy and all he sees himself is causing me stress. He said for me to move on and continue improving my life and I asked him straight does he really mean that because if he does I would respect his wishes and let him go. He said it would hurt him to see me move on and he would never want me move on but all he wants is for me to be happy and that if he cant someone else should and that it is unfair to expect someone to stand by and wait while they sort their life out.I think he feels he will only drag me down with how hes head is right now. But I feel like hes just done a 360 on me completely from what he said last month.
I am starting a new job as a fitness instructor and he also said that his anxiety couldnt take the thought of me being around all fit men and that he said he would wonder and worry why I was with him when I could be with someone so much better looking. He said that he doesnt want to think that way but its his brain is and that he has never been so low. He doesnt know what he wants but he knows he cares about me thats why he was telling me all this. It makes me feel so sad that he feels he is not enough when in my eyes hes everything, but he just doesnt see that no matter how much I tell him and says he is scared now he never will as he is worse than when i first met him.
I did send him back a message trying to reassure him also tried to encourage him to get help as he can no longer deal with this on his own also that i understand what hes going through how important he is to me, also said that drinking isnt the way to deal with things and it isnt the only thing he has and said i didnt expect anything from him and I wanted to stand by him in whichever way that was and asked him to please to not shut me out. He hasnt replied to my message but last night put up a story on facebook (which he hasnt done this past month) of a pint of beer with the caption "perfect way to end a good day". I feel like he possible put it up on purpose as he has both me and my mum on facebook, but not sure why he would and I felt angry and upset with him but didnt say anything.
I feel the more he sees me do well instead of it making him want to reach out instead it pushes him away less he feels about himself. I feel he has very low self esteem. I'm still not over him and still care for him alot but I do not know what to do next going forward. I dont want to ignore him and him think I gave up on him but I dont want to push him if he really doesnt want me around. I struggle myself with anxiety and depression back and forth myself but am struggling to understand what to do for the best.
If you have taken the time to read all this Im grateful and thank you it means alot.
Post Edited (jecp2020) : 10/7/2020 9:32:33 AM (GMT-6)