Naw Vallie, you're not a downer at all. You're just 'sucked in' right now.
I was there this last Fall - Big Time. Didn't want anti-depressants. Wanted to try to dig my way out some how with any other means I could come up with ... but not at first.
At first, I just wanted to coccoon ... but I already told ya all'a that in the first post.
They say there's an antidepressant in chocolate ... I believe it. I'm eating some now.
Wish you lived closer, we could share some and I could show you some funny emails.
I met a nice lady from England on that other forum I'm on, and she's coming here to see me next week. Their language differs from ours, and I get such a kick out of it.
They say some things, that here are like cuss words, but to them, they mean something entirely different. Ha, I told her we'd have to do some language exchanges while she's here, for her own safety.
I wasn't always talkative. I went through a shy sort of time. But that's another long story, but it had everything to do with what you've mentioned of looking inward and not liking who I saw or how my life had turned out.
Well, I went to SO and didn't learn much about anyone, except that Allison's Site has only the Homepage left up for now. I guess all those mean things those callous folks said, did it's job. But just temporarily, I hope. She's gotta come out ... I've been praying for her and now you also, if you wouldn't mind. Prayers of others, saved my life literally. I don't think any book would have helped me. I had to put it all in Another's Hands. No human could change my self-image, nor take any guilt I've had, nor heal the hurts of my countless failures or those things done to me.
You said it yourself, "have sympathy for ALL". That was the only thing that began the healing process inside me. I realised what I was doing was equivlent to walking around with a mirror in my face and I couldn't see much else, bumping into everything as I walked along, as long as I held that mirror there. My mirror looked inward to me.
I'm glad to have met you here. It's a safe place.
Take good care of you and let your people-love lift you.