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Daily Check In Thread For All... #200...

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Posted 12/8/2020 7:07 AM (GMT -7)
Still hanging in there. Partner and I only argue about my kids. Was hoping it would stop since my daughter moved out...but no. Ugh!

Have an opportunity, maybe, to get a home improvement loan that won't have to be paid back if I remain in my home for another 10 years...which looks likely. I just have to get homeowners insurance on it and hope my application is chosen...it's 'first come, first served'. Insurance agent hasn't called me back yet. Meanwhile, my hallway is creaking every time the heat comes on! I HAVE TO get the rotted wood replaced and the sooner, the better!

I've been tossing peanuts out for the blue jays. Love seeing their flash of color and hearing their raucous calls to each other. Once the nuts are all gone, the finches/sparrows and cardinals come back for the seed bell and suet.

I've bought another cactus...this one is bright pink! My new amaryllis is growing but I doubt it will bloom in time for Christmas.

Inch by inch...I WILL make it out of the abyss.
Posted 12/8/2020 12:21 PM (GMT -7)
I am sorry you and your partner argue over your kids. Are they causing stress to your relationship? Or is it something your partner is doing? It is hard when one has children and the other doesn't. I have had to adapt to my husband's family. I did get to enjoy the grandkids when they were little. So that was a huge plus for me. But there are times they (his son) causes stress. I try to stay out of things. For the most part, but if they effect me, then that is different. I hope you two can make it work. Remember, you deserve to be happy with your partner.

Pesky bluejays here eat everything along with the larger squirrels. But they are all God's creatures.

Have a good rest of the day.

Hugs to all...

Karen...
Posted 12/8/2020 6:14 PM (GMT -7)
Pitmom,

Sorry you are struggling so much!
Remember, these things do pass.

Maybe if you 2 could sit down and find an agreement regarding your children it might help. Boundries maybe

You're strong, you can push through this just fine!
HI
Paul what an adventure it would be to go berry picking in the wild woods
Much diff than the farms of South Jersey.

And I don't get to feed Boooo!


Peace
Posted 12/10/2020 11:04 AM (GMT -7)
Ok we need some Serious, and I mean rockin', boot stumpin', jitterbugging music!!
🎶🎶🎶🎶🎷🎷🎷🎹🎹🎹⚾️🎄

No hippopotamus here!!!

https://youtu.be/gcx4by36vnm
Posted 12/10/2020 2:39 PM (GMT -7)
Thanks, Trina, that was fun

I am struggling. I have spiraled into one of my major depressions. I did get out of bed and take a shower. I am doing laundry and cleared the dishwasher. Currently, I am trying to get myself to go to the dollar store here in town to pick up a few things.

Yesterday I went to a few thrift stores and took advantage of the good weather by taking the dog for a walk in his new stroller. It is a new one that fits easily into the car. It is colder today and supposed to snow tomorrow.

Have a good day/night everyone
Posted 12/11/2020 1:38 AM (GMT -7)
Buena, sorry to hear you're struggling. Wish I had something to help, but I tend to be blindsided myself by the same kind of thing.

Trina, if you're near South Jersey, there's plenty of blueberry picking in the woods up north, like west of Newark and in the Delaware Water Gap area, etc. I did a good bit of berry picking as a kid when living there with my parents... I assume the woods are still there after a few decades, but I guess you never know with all the development. (Oh, and thank you for the music (tm) smile).

Good weekend to everyone...
Posted 12/11/2020 7:41 AM (GMT -7)
Still here. I've tried several insurance companies but none of them will insure my mobile home for a variety of reasons. I've let the Mayor know because many of my neighbors are in the same predicament, so this program they've brought for our benefit won't be able to be utilized! I've also discovered that I don't have tie downs on my home! There's a program in Florida for retro fitting our older homes and I'm hoping we can get one going up here in NJ, too!

As for my adult children and the stress caused...we've tried to set boundaries...with promises of changed behavior...neither of us discussing them...but the promises get broken again and again. What she perceives as them 'disrespecting' me I see differently. Mother's almost always put up with a lot of 'stuff' that people that have never had/raised children don't understand. Christmas is coming and my daughter has already bought gifts for Lisa (after years of no gifts for her) but Lisa has said she doesn't want anything from her because she didn't get me anything for my birthday and Lisa would see it as a slap in my face. Ugh! The one I follow says if one cheek gets slapped, offer the other...not easy to practice but since it's not literal...this 'situation' happens repeatedly with children in many families. Their 'presence' has always meant more to me than 'presents'. What hurts is when they talk about what they've bought themselves or others and I get little or nothing. This year, I have bought nothing for them...will not be giving them the usual cash gifts either...maybe they'll get the message.
Posted 12/11/2020 9:35 AM (GMT -7)
I think Lisa's reluctance to accept the gift is just fueling the fire. I think she should graciously accept. I think your daughter means well. Or is trying. But I don't know all the circumstances. But with Lisa acting this way she is getting in the middle if you know what I am trying to say. She is letting their actions affect her when she doesn't have to react. Just my opinion.

I hope that things work out so you can have a pleasant holiday.

Take care Pitmom. Like I say this is just my opinion from what I have read that you wrote.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 12/11/2020 4:26 PM (GMT -7)
Kathy, you are doing fantastic for being
In the mire of depression...
Taken your pittie for a ride-walk seeing his smiling face
Did wonders in the moment I am sure

Keep doing as you are...slow and steady as Jamie aka HT says 💛

Pitmom,

I agree with Karen.
The only other thing I can suggest is something I learned a long long time ago.

"Disagreements turned to Arguments and or fights, are like fires.

Fuel is need to keep them going. If one person decides to step back. The it has to end. Silence from one participant is no longer a fight"

It is along the lines of beating a dead horse? Why?

Paul!!!
That location is 2hours away on a good day
For me. Horse country!

There many blueberry farms on the edge of the pines going south to shore points.
These are only 30 to 40min from me..

I use to pick ever year. Can. Make jam etc..
Can't do that work now...sad face....
But the berries are reasonably price
And some times drive to the farm and buy a flat wash dry and freeze.....
Peace all
Posted 12/11/2020 7:40 PM (GMT -7)
I had a melt down this morning when I thought the post office had sent back the package my mother had sent me from an online clothing store because I hadn't picked it up in time. We don't have street delivery here and the UPS drivers will sometimes randomly decide to dump their stuff at the post office rather than deliver it to your door. I can go for weeks without picking up my mail because I only get junk mail and bad things. Anyway, the package was still there.

I made it all the way to Walmart today , which is kind of a feat since it is 25 miles away. A little retail therapy made me feel better, even if it was cleaning supplies and some food.

I have always been functional during my major depressions, which always confused me about my diagnosis. When my dad died when I was 25 I managed to keep going to school even though I was in a major depression (untreated) for about 2 years. For many years I didn't think my depression was real because I didn't get those very severe episodes that other people suffer that make it impossible for them to function.

I bought some ingredients to make "turtles" with mini pretzels, Rolos and pecan halves. I'll see if I'm up to it tomorrow morning.
Posted 12/12/2020 2:42 AM (GMT -7)
Pitmom.. children are quite the manipulators. I have had children issues for so many years. Mostly surrounding one son who had a alcohol induced heart attack nov 2019 and passed away right before he was to come for the holidays. It broke me and left so much guilt and pain that I could never help him or prevent the relapses. He was bipolar, adhd in the autistic spectrum with AUD . Since a small child he was the one getting most of the attention, care and specialists. The oldest son is still angry that he did not seem to feel he got what he needed and has never had anything to do with his brother. Never sent me a sympathy card after the death of his brother. I always send bd gifts and holiday gifts . We exchange amazon gift cards, they live across the country.
Not much other contact for several years.

Unfortunately that’s my predicament. I don’t know what to tell you about yours.My heart goes out to you. I know it’s a balancing act sometimes to cope with and for so many reasons. It’s exhausting. I pray for healing and for better days ahead for you . There are so many rolls family members fall into over the years. Blame, victim, rescuer, martyr, caretaker, just to name a few, you need a score card to keep track. After years of family counselors and special councilors life goes on .

Supreme Court justice Clarence Thomas quote,”Our parents ruin the first half of our lives, then our children ruin the second half.” There is some truth to that statement.

Every year I force several amaryllis bulbs for the Holidays. It always amazes me how a bulb has such a beautiful package inside to bloom huge flowers that scream , “Look At me” ! They last for a long time.
Posted 12/12/2020 3:02 AM (GMT -7)
Hi Trina,

Hi, Kathy,

Hi Chotti,

Good to see you all posting.

Kathy, I hope things get easier for you. Chotti, I am sorry for your loss.

Trina, as always, good advice. I hope you all have a good day. Snow here last night, supposed to have a winter storm today. Wet and heavy snow I guess. Not looking forward to that.

Take care all and have a safe and happy holidays.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 12/12/2020 3:26 AM (GMT -7)
Hi Karen ... Hope your garden is all tucked in for the winter....mine is slowly getting there. The last of the leaves have fallen from the deciduous tress and shrubs ,piles to mulch and hoses to drain.

Sending you and everyone blessings for the Holidays!

I
Posted 12/12/2020 9:29 AM (GMT -7)
Sending blessings back to you Chotti. Christmas is fast approaching. We are getting our first snow storm of the season. A lot of wet snow is supposed to come down today 6-8 inches.

I didn't have much of a vegetable garden this year. I missed it. My flowers did good in one garden but not so well in another and my husband had a guy mow the yard and he took out my lavender. I was so bummed. Crap happens though I guess.

I hope you have a Merry Christmas and a safe and healthy New Year. I personally will be glad when 2020 is 2021. Though social distancing isn't that much different to me other than the mask. I only went to doctor's appointments and shopping anyway. I am just so sad when I think of all the loss of human lives and people without jobs. I hope something good happens soon. Didn't mean to make this post a downer. Sorry.

Take care Chotti, glad so see you post.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 12/12/2020 10:02 AM (GMT -7)
Hi Chotti nice to see you post.
Sorry there is such sadness in your life...
I think there is a blessing in my life NOT having loving memories and no children
Knowing a constant in my life is somehow less debilitating.

Peace to all!
Posted 12/13/2020 3:13 PM (GMT -7)
Hi Chotti, Karen, Kathy, Trina, Pitmom and everyone else facing hardships during this time -- hope you get through all this and emerge victorious on the other side. Best early holiday wishes to all.

One thing that strikes me is how out of the billions of people on the planet with Internet access, only the handful of us are posting here (and I'm not really a frequent poster myself). A web search turns up this forum, so it's not a secret and anyone can sign up. Isn't it sort of astounding that we are the only ones out of billions? I know not everyone is facing hardships, but just the numbers game is fascinating.

Other forums have their "regulars" as well. I'm wondering whether anyone here is also elsewhere... I know I've seen a few who seem to be the same person on different forums.

Post Edited (paul_t) : 12/13/2020 3:16:24 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 12/13/2020 5:06 PM (GMT -7)
Still here, muddling through.

Almost another argument today...this time over cans of soda! I've not tasted these before, so don't want a lot left here (not much room in a 10x55 mobile home). She asked how many I wanted, I said 2 of each. She wanted to bring in a 6 pack of each! 18 cans! I about lost it (not sleeping well lately). Why ask me if you're going to do what YOU want?! Yep. I swear...I just can't anymore!!! So, I yelled that this is a little trailer, not a *ing 5 bedroom house with 2 car garage like her Mom's! Stick a fork in me...I'm DONE! Geez!!! She thinks I'm rejecting her generosity. Wow! Really?? I told her that I'm here, 365 days a year, having to move this to use that and then move this back again! Rant, rant, rant!! AARRGGHH!

Meanwhile, it looks like I won't be able to get the loan to fix the house, so I'm outside (thank G for nice weather) coating the siding seam with Flex Seal, which is like trying to paint with marshmallow fluff! Big winter storm in our forecast. Rain/snow and strong winds. Fingers crossed!

Friday was mild out, too and I was able to get more garden clean up done. My hellebores have buds on them! So excited! Moved 3 amaryllis to the west window...the new one and 2 others...and the new one has shot up almost 6 inches, seemingly overnight! I also bought a bigger bird feeder, so now I can get the big birdseed cakes instead of the bells that wind up on the ground. Working out nicely, I think.

I wish you all peace. Thanks for putting up with me.
Posted 12/13/2020 5:42 PM (GMT -7)
Paul, Trina,Kathy,Karen and Thank You all for your condolences.

2020 surely has been a very challenging year for all. The corona has changed and effected so many in this country and its so strange in so many ways and yet it could be the norm for sometime to come.I’m still not sure if I will take the vaccine since the news announcement that the president ordered the FDA to approve the new vaccine because he wanted the credit on his watch. Hoping he was ignored. I have lost a lot of trust in our govn’t. Gees...I wonder why!

Karen OMG not the lavender mowed ..really what a ..... I hope it comes back next season. I love lavender so calming. Happy to hear the flowers did well. I wonder if you had lots of bees. I have watched their population disappear here the last few years. I have had similar things happen when trying to train new help. I mean really how does someone think that tree peonies are weeds. Yep a 25 year old tree peony was pulled he thought it was a huge weed?... Don’t get me started on garden help, I could tell you stories that would make your head spin.
Hoping Maybe next season a few veggies will help move your gardening along too. Nothin like fresh veggies.

Paul you made a good point. I think more have moved to Facebook, tic-tac-toe and YouTube for more social interaction, immediate gratification. I’m not entirely sure where ever one has gone. I spend a lot of time on garden forums. Nothing better that to share garden discussions and pics of flowers and gardens to put smiles on faces!

Pitmom ... hope you have worked out some family issues for the Holidays. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Trina... I didn’t realize you did’t have children, in some ways it’s a lot less challenging and don’t get me wrong I know the down side I have posted and yet there are also many, many rewards along the way. The upside ....I’m a Proud mom too!

Buena.. How did the turtles and pretzels turn out? Yummy! Now that made me hungry. Like I need another excuse to go in the kitchen... “Yikes”!

I wish we could post pics here. Share other interest too , or share a Xmas tree 🌲 to wish everyone
‘Happy Holidays” 😁
Posted 12/14/2020 3:19 AM (GMT -7)
We used to be able to post pics here, I can't remember the name of the app. So much changed when the format of the forum was changed. It was such a busy forum, now not so much. I would love to see your tree Chotti. My email is in my profile if you want to send a pic.

Geez Pitmom, you have been going through a lot with your partner. Compromising on both sides needs to be done. Forgive and over look. Sometimes it is difficult to do. Especially when things are thrown in our faces. I hope you two can have a nice holiday this year. I hope your house withstands the storms.

I hope everybody has a good day. Only 11 days until Christmas. It is sneaking up on us.

Hang in there all. Take care.

Hugs, Karen...
Posted 12/14/2020 8:47 AM (GMT -7)
Sorry if my posts have been bringing people down. It's a tough time of year for me. Having to prove I'm 'still disabled' and 'still poor' really gets me down. Add to that the ongoing need of repairs and now not being able to get the loan. Isolating...can't even go with my neighbor to the thrift shops because her college aged son has been out galavanting without masks...so I don't feel her 'bubble' is intact. All of the hateful commentary on political topics...the news...just everything. There is no 'magic pill' for all of this.

Found my little plaque that says "Today I will choose Joy!" and put it back up in the bathroom, just in front of the bottom of the mirror. Hoping it will remind me several times a day that I have a choice, regardless of my brain chemistry. I tidied up in the kitchen, purged the pantry, swept the floor, etc. Now, having the bright lights on is helping to cheer me, rather than highlight the dust and accumulated pet hair! Fight, fight, fight! Get 'unstuck'!
Posted 12/14/2020 9:36 AM (GMT -7)
I'm sorry that some of you are having a hard time. I really can empathize with you. Life can be be hard enough, but the corona virus and resulting hardships makes everything harder.

My temporary job is going to end soon, and I dread getting back on unemployment. I can't say I'm sad to see my temp job end, as it was getting boring and monotonous, but I will be really sad not to collect a paycheck. I'll also be lying if I said I wasn't nervous about my financial security as well. Unemployment is not enough to survive for most people. So I'm a bit anxious about bills, etc. getting paid.

As for Christmas, I feel guilty that I may not be able to give gifts to the children in my family, but times are tough. I guess I will have to tell them to expect it after Christmas. Anyway, I don't want to bring anyone down. Like my dad told me, 'this too shall pass'.
Posted 12/14/2020 2:40 PM (GMT -7)
No need for anyone to feel guilty life is complicated and the forum is after all ‘depression’. So we are all in the right place to put down our daily emotions and things we feel are out of control in our lives. Sometimes just having the opportunity to write down our feelings and express our fears helps . Receiving support from others who share life’s problems is a support system I am thankful for.

Thank you to Karen and Trina, the forum moderators, who have always been here for years, to give words of encouragement and listen . And to all the members whom we share our daily lives , who trust each other with our private deep feelings to make it thru another day.

Forever Positive... Today I will choose Joy too! What a great reminder. Sometimes life can be overwhelming, things we have no control over. Reminds me of the significance of the serenity prayer.

A verse from the prayer.
God give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

It’s the last part which is always tricky for me. What happened to wisdom comes with age? I have a lot of age but still waiting for the wisdom to come. I know the shortcomings in my character and thru my grief from the loss of my son I know he is not alone and this is my journey.

I am Grateful to have another holiday season with my DH of 40 years. OMG has it been that long. Yikes!
And thankful for my health, my children and all my furry kids. All the...True blessings I have in my life !

The Snow is a coming stay safe , warm and Choose Joy!
Posted 12/14/2020 4:59 PM (GMT -7)
much peace and compassion to all of you, and everyone everywhere.
Creating bonds of care and love, will promote this world and it's people
to improve in a positive way with understanding, care and unity. HT
Posted 12/14/2020 6:37 PM (GMT -7)
Great to see you HT . I agree.
Hope your doing better.
Sending Holiday Blessing .
Posted 12/14/2020 8:44 PM (GMT -7)
Still snowing a little, good for our snow pack which is what determines how much water we have in the summer. The Rolo pretzel things turned out good - the recipe is on the back of the Rolo bag or online and is very easy.
I missed my dog's specialist vet visit today because I thought it was tomorrow. If nothing else, this is a very peaceful holiday season, not like when the boys were little and my husband and mother in law lived here and my mother would come and I was working and there were concerts and church and on and on. But I liked all that and now I feel very much on the fringe, like everyone else my age I guess. My big excitement is that I ordered new ornament storage boxes to replace the ones my mother got me 30 years ago. They were cardboard and held up remarkably well considering their age and that somewhere along the line one of the dogs peed on a corner.

I feel a little better since there was good national news on Friday. Otherwise it has been up and down. I have given up looking for a job until January. Now I am crying, so I'll stop for now
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