Hi eah, I also wanted to tell you welcome to Healing Well forum.
I understand what you are saying about your husband all to well as I am like this when I get depressed. I tend to shut down and can say harsh things during these times. It isn't that I cant control it I think it is more that I don't really care how I can make other people feel. But then later I will reflect on what I have said and start to feel bad or guilty which doesn't help my depression any. I have been on antidepressants for years and for the most part they help but it is the combination of meds and therapy that has helped me the most. I can only wish that I went to therapy when I was married, maybe I wouldn't of be so willing to give up and walk out.
Anyway, maybe counseling for both of you would be a good idea?