Posted 6/20/2021 2:07 PM (GMT -6)
You said your husband was depressed in the title of your post, "Depressed spouse."
You mentioned depression once more when you said, "By early evening he was laying in bed sad, angry and spirally down fast because he got nothing he wanted to accomplished. And come to find out it's all my fault. Because I didn't push him out the door on Friday nor did I choose something for him to do Saturday. I understand that logic doesn't always play a large role when it comes to depression."
So, one of the things you seem to be saying is, "he's depressed." Is he getting any treatment for that?
Another thing you're saying is, he blames you for everything. A third thing which may be going on is he's negative.
For many years, I played the blame game. I have bipolar, and would sit in one place and spin my wheels, and if my mother asked me why I didn't get something done, I would blame her. Being negative and bipolar, all I could do was blame somebody. If it was my fault, I was a failure, and I couldn't stand that.
I later transferred the blame to my wife. She was at an event she was working and couldn't leave that. I decided to go to a night club. I had a drink, there was music, I have sensitive ears to noise, I was taking medicine for bipolar, and that combination took a toll on my ears, to say the least. Why did I do? I blamed my wife who was 5 miles away.
We're also poor at decision making. If somebody doesn't help us with that, we blame them for that. If they do make the decision for us, we blame them for making the wrong decision. (Now that I'm on medicine for bipolar, and am positive, I don't have nearly as much trouble making decisions.)
It starts with negative, it goes to mental illness, and then to unable to make decisions, so it puts us in the middle spinning our wheels. The fallback position is to blame who ever is standing there.
The reason he doesn't get help with his depression is because that involves a decision. Also, by not being positive, he can't see himself getting out of this.
mayoclinic.org says signs of depression are:
• Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness
• Angry outbursts, irritability or frustration, even over small matters
• Loss of interest or pleasure in most or all normal activities, such as sex, hobbies or sports
• Sleep disturbances, including insomnia or sleeping too much
• Tiredness and lack of energy, so even small tasks take extra effort
• Reduced appetite and weight loss or increased cravings for food and weight gain
• Anxiety, agitation or restlessness
• Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements
• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or self-blame
• Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things
Does your husband have these?