Posted 2/25/2006 1:03 AM (GMT -6)
Hello, I am new to this board but I need some advice. I have recently moved to the city where my family is I have always lived in a different city. However the move was due to me living in La. during both Hurricane Katrina & Hurricane Rita & my mother was tired of me being far away from her when a disaster happens. Before I moved to La. in 2004 I was living in New Jersey and I worked less than 3 blocks from the trade centers on Sept. 11th, and the city I lived in was right by one of the main bridges to New York City that when I finally able to get home that day, the residents weren't able to leave that part of our county. So I convinced myself that I could get over what happened although I knew that I never would. Until Hurricane Katrina last year, prior to Katrina I had never been through a hurricane and I was in a new city this time without any family members with me. So after both hurricanes based on my mother's advice I moved all the way across the country, never having a moment to try to deal with yet again seeing a huge disaster, being trapped in a city (this time w/o power, & very limited resources.) Even though she moved me up here, she has made it a point to tell me every single thing that I am doing wrong, from the way I write, talk, walk, eat, etc. My mother has also made it very clear that she does not want me living with her that she points it out everyday. Despite the fact that I am looking for apts. everyday, but I just got a job last month, even though I moved with her in Oct.
All she has done was tear me down to the point I wondered if she even wants me around period, I have even had some thoughts on if I was not here or born how much difference it would make for my family. On top of my mother telling me what I am not doing right she does list what my sisters are doing right, both of them have graduated college but have had children out of wedlock before they were 25. Then she has taken to put me down in front of the extended family to the point that they have said something to her. However she comes back & tells me that I am too sensitive, I need to grow up and be a woman, and that she did not live with her mother when she was 27 (my age.) This is on top of dealing with my everyday issues that I have been facing.
Then on top of her criticism of me whenever I bring it up she puts it all on me, both of the disasters have started to wear on my mind. When I try to talk about what I have been through over the past 4 years my family shuts me down saying I should be glad to get through it & that I need to get over it. So all at once both disasters & the constant negativity that I am getting from my mother I have not been feeling well at all; I never used to be able sleep during the day now I fall out whenever possible even if I sleep 10 hours the night before. Also on that note I now either can't fall asleep or I am sleeping for 10-12 hours, can without eating, will cry out of the blue. I lose things that I have all the time, I don't even do the little things I normally do, like put on make-up, watch t.v., or talk to anyone in person, on the phone, and even the e-mail. It has gotten to the point of where I am feeling like I just exist with no purpose at all. If anyone can advise because I do not know what to do anymore to get rid of this grey feeling.