I think you have taken a really good first step on showing your feelings by posting on this web-site!! That takes a lot of bravery to admit how you are feeling. I know a lot of people have trouble opening up - it makes you feel vulernable and that can be a really scary feeling. I have asked doctors for antidepressants in the past and they have never suggested I go to counseling. You can always say your not ready for that right now, but you would like to take the first step by getting on some medication. You might try writing your feelings in a journal first so you can get comfortable with relaying them. I find this to be very helpful. Or maybe writing a letter to someone really close to you telling them how you feel would be less scary than trying to tell them face to face.
I am so sorry you have a fear of counselors. I have had 2 great therapists - one I am seeing right now. She is sweet, sympathetic and completely non-judgemental. I always feel so much better after talking to her. A year ago I went through a really bad break-up and couldn't stop crying - I was missing work and wasn't functioning well and she got me through it. I am so much stronger now.
Hang in there! There are a lot of people on this web-site that are so helpful and sympathetic. I hope it helps.
Lumbar post laminectomy syndrome, radiculopathy, spinal stenosis, disc degeneration, otesoporosis, spinal cord stimulator. No accidents - just inherited a bad back.
Meds: Effexor, Gabitril, Hydrocodone, Percocet, Ativan, Flexiril (not all at the same time) :)