This is very hard fro me - I have never talked about these kind of feelings openly before w/ strangers. So I guess I should start with the basic run down of my life.
I am a 22 year old college sophmore. I attend a small private university in a very small town in Iowa. I have had depression on and off since I was 14. I was never exteremly smart, so I spent a lot of time buried in my studies, and never had many friends becuase of it. For the past three years I have had my depression under control. But than some things happened recently that through my years of work out the window. I don't really want to go into the details of what happened, I'll just say that I said something really dumb to another girl on my hall. Even though I have apologized, and we have worked things out, a few other people on the hall are making life almost unbearable. For the first tiem in 8 years, I actually thought of over-dosing, or ending my life. I think if I were not such a coward I probably would have done it too.
I stuck in my life over analysing everything that happens. The worst thing about this, is that I don't know why I care! These girls and I would hang out on occasion, and on a certain level I considered them frineds, but not good friends. I know I should not care, and I should move on, forget, ect, but for some reason it is destroying my life (so to speak). I cannot forget what happened - it haunts my dreams, and my thoughts. It is disrupting my daily life. I have noticed that I do nothing but sit in my room all the time with the lights off. I have troubles getting out of bed in the mornings, and have no desire to socializng, on an overly social campus.
I'm not looking for pitty, or answers. I just really needed a place to unload where people are not going to look at me like I am crazy! Thank y'all for this!