Not sure!

Ok so I am new to this whole thing.  I guess I should start by telling you what is going on.  I have a 4 month old daughter and a fiancee.  I love both of them with all I have, but, am very afraid of losing them and feel very close to losing them.  I have been having trouble since my daughter was 8 weeks old.  I have thoughts of suicide alot prolly every other day or so.  Me and my fiancee aren't getting along and I beleive it is my fault because everytime he comes home I am either pissed off or feeling down.  I haven't been diagnosed with depression but I feel like I might be depressed or bi-polar.  I have so much to live for and don't know how to get rid of these feelings that I feel.  I am afraid of getting on medication because I have heard so many stories of people never being the same again.  Plus I am low income and have medicade for insurance and don't want to go to the mental health at the hospital.  Please someone help me guide me so I don't do something I regret.

I am sorry that you are in so much pain right now. I would try and find some professional help. There are certian risks associated with all medicines but can tell you that they have helped me bridge from depression to fairly well adjused. Please keep us posted on how you are doing.

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Hi Amaria,

You may be suffering from pardem depression, common for new mothers.  Contact your doctor.  Talk with your fiance.  Let him know your feelings for him and the reasons for your behavior and the fears you are experiencing.  Let him know you need his support and that you need to contact your doctor to get some help.  Don't leave him in the dark.  He may think you pushed him away not understanding why.  This way he has an understanding and can help you.  I hope this helps.  Please keep us posted.  We remain here for you.

Kari 

Thank you so much but it is almost as if I don't know why I act the way I do.  I never know what kind of day it is going to be.  I have went to my doctor and because of my medicade I have to go to the mental health department at the local hospital and I am afraid to.  I don't want to be on pills like some people are for the rest of there lives.  There has got to be a different way!

If you are having any thoughts of suicide you should get help immediatly. 

I went to mental health where I live and it wasn't that bad.  I was afraid someone I know would see me but they never did.  It is none of thier business anyway.

It is something to try, you never know maybe it will help alot.

Hi Amaria,  Welcome to healing well forum.  I just wanted to add that if you are indeed have postpartum depression or a situational depression than you need not worry about being on medication for the rest of your life.  Typically you would only be on an antidepressant for 6-8 months then be weened off to see how you do.  I agree with the advice that everyone else here has given that you should seek help for this.  Take care

Thank you so much to everyone for your help.  I am going to call today to get a appointment.  I am very scared but something has to change and soon.  I feel as though I am going crazy.

That is great that you have worked up the courage to make an appointment, and it will be okay.  Please let us know how it goes.... We are here for you.

I actually just made the appointment for intake it is on MArch 20th in the morning so I will let you know all know. My fiancee kept telling me I needed to see someone but I was scared and until you have a total stranger tell you it will be ok you really don't beleive it. Thank you again!

~Amaria~

You are most welcome Amaria!

May I put my two cent's in.Ok you said that you have a 8week old baby right?Ok what you are decribing sound's like post partem depresstion and I would stongly advice you to go to you doctor and tell her/him how you are feeling and if you do have it then there are med's to help you get pass this.Good luck and please klet us know how you are doing.I have you in my thought's and prayer's....................

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Thanks

Hi Ameria,I'm glad your seeking the help you need.I had a complete nervous breakdown after my third child was born because I wasn't diagnosed soon enough for the baby blues. That was in 1983,so they didn't know as much about then like now. You are doing the right thing getting meds. dont be scared to take them they are very helpful, and it doesn't mean you will take them the rest of your life.But if you do thats ok too because we all need help sometimes.I wish you all the best,my prayers are with you.Don't let what i've told you scare you it doesn't happen very often, I just didn't seek help soon enough. I'm fine now, and you will be too.

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