What a combination, right? I got off the phone with my boyfriend this evening and he just kept moaning about
all the things that he "should" do. I tried to be supportive and used a different tatic this evening. Here is what I said: "It sounds like you've identified what you should do, but there's a difference between talking about
it and doing something about
it. What do you think prevents you from doing something about
the things you've identifed?" I thought this was a pretty productive approach, since he seems to get stuck in the "oh whoa is me" mode. He in turn he was quite honest indicating that he fears failing and has low self esteem. I asked him if he had thought any more about
talking with a therapist (he had mentioned it a while back, but never followed through), but he said that he and his ex-wife went to one and he didn't like what the therapist had told him and now doesn't trust talking with a stranger. I don't know what other suggestions I can offer him? He has valid concerns, but he has always relied too heavily on other people for his well-being (his words). I am not strong enough to hold both him and myself up right now. I want a relationship that is balanced and healthy. Maybe the only way that will happen is if I'm balanced and healthy?
I just don't know how much longer I can be patient and understanding with him when he can't seem to do the things he "should" do. It gets to be a predicable pattern after a while. When he's up - he's fun to be with, but when he gets into his "funk" as he calls it - things just get tiring. So, when he's depressed it makes me even more depressed. Ugh.