Sadsong, I feel this man is draining you and if he doesn't get help, I would kick him to the curb. Sorry, I don't mean to be blunt..but you seem to be such a nice, giving and caring person, that you do not need this toxic person in your life. Zebras don't change their stripes unfortunately. He has to really want help, and instead, he really wants to be a victim...and what a better way to continue to be a victim when someone will keep taking the negative stuff he is dishing out. You say you keep watching him go through this and this is very hard for you..but there comes a time when enough is enough. I read a book called "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay, and I highly recommend it. It talks about
how we attract the wrong people in our lives, because we are not healthy ourselves or approve of ourselves. She states we attract the people we want to fix or change..but we have to change ourselves first. When we start to love and approve ourselves, the toxic people move on to someone else who is not healthy. You deserve so much better..but the first thing..is to firmly believe you deserve much better.