in an out of it all,
Given your feelings of reluctance based on your experience with doctors, I would go to a psychologist for counseling about
all this; a psychologist is not the same as a psychiatrist. A psychologist will help you with your thinking and feelings as applicable, and will direct you with problem-solving skills an solutions; a psychologist does not prescribe meds, simply counsels; so they aren't as apt to shove meds at you as a solution. However, they are properly trained to recognize when additional care is needed, such as medication ... and a psychologist also has oodles of information on hand to supply you with direction should you need more care and/or evaluation(s). Medical or otherwise; they are linked to many helpful resources.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;"
"in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."
"Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil."
"This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones."