Hi Denton, Please dont be sorry for anything that you have posted. Healing Well is here for mutual support and if you need to vent as all of us do now and again than your more than welcome...vent away. I am so glad that you have posted this thread as I felt so bad for you and now I can see that you also are aware of the positive and good that you have in your life. That is so important and special, hang on to it.
I replied to you in your other post about some ways that you can possibly get some medical attention. If you have a primary care doctor or family doctor you should be able to set up a payment plan with them so you dont have to pay all at once. Go get seen and let them know how you are feeling and what is going on. They can give you samples of an antidepressant every week or month or whatever, they dont pay for those the drug companies give them out. It is at the doctors discretion.
You sound like a very strong woman to have gotten through everything that you have so far. Keep on fighting, I know you will find a solution to this terrible situation.