Hi in and out of it all, I understand and am glad that you feel that the forum is helping you get your feelings out. We all want to try to help in anyway that we can. But all we can do is give you suggestions and support. Ultimately what course of action you take is up to you.
My younger brother is 28 now will be 29 in a few months. He has Bipolar Disorder and has been diagnosed for several years. For as long as I can remember he has always had a problem with controlling his anger or more like not controlling it. Something would make him mad, even something small, and he would be smashing things or hitting people. My mother took him to several counselors and psychiatrists but he was always refusing to comply with any treatment they wanted him to do. Now, He beats up on his girlfriend on a regular basis and often lands himself in jail. He has had numerous orders of protection brought against him as other people, even his own friends, fear him. He bounces from job to job as he will find a good one doing landscaping (what he is trained and skilled to do) but will have an argument with his supervisor or another co-worker and walks off the job. To make matters even worse he has 3 children by 3 different mothers who all see this behavior of his. I love my brother dearly but I haven't spoken to him in almost 3 years because of all of this.
I am telling you this because anger and letting your illness go untreated is only going to make everything so much worse. You sound like a smart, beautiful person and shouldn't have to go through all of this....
Cats are like potato chips ~ you can't have just one