Hello livepast, this is my first post so please forgive me if I mess up.
Everyone might think me off the wall, but when I was as bad as where you are right now, I didn't want to go to my regular doctor. I didn't want him telling my husband. I don't have insurance, so I couldn't just pick up the phone and make an appointment with a psych for $200 an hour either. I was lucky. I found a crisis line. I could talk to someone without them knowing who I was. I told them how I felt. (Read them the post you made.) They were able to direct me to a clinic that was a sliding fee scale, and even gave medicine for free. The clinic didn't know me, my husband, my kids, or anyone I knew. I was free to be totally honest and it cost me nothing. I had gone to doctors before, but because of lack of money, I would not go back. Finding this clinic allowed me to get continued help. Along with major depression, I was diagnosed with bipolar and bpd. This was only possible because I was able to go for a longer period of time and they got to know me (my moods).
I would be so nervous, I would forget everything I wanted to say. Now I write it all down ahead of time. Recently, a few days before my appt. I have been spending hours typing letters to the doctors; how I feel, symptoms, fears, hopes of improvement, complaints, everything. I hold it for a day or so just so I am not typing stuff impulsively that I will regret later, and then I fax it to them. Some people send their docs email. Anyway, the next appt., they already know how I feel, which saves a lot of time, and then we discuss it. It works great. It's like getting two hours for the price of one!
If you have gone to the doctors before and it hasn't worked, you may be dealing with more than just depression, so please call for help. Pat yourself on the back for getting online to post here, that in itself takes effort, believe me I know. - denise
American by birth, Northerner by the grace of God.
The South didn't lose, they gave up ...
Get over it, the South ain't gonna rise again.
Proud to be a West Virginia Yankee.