Posted 4/11/2006 11:59 AM (GMT -6)
I am upset that I have to worry about what people know about my personal business. I worry about what people think of me alot. When I was first diagnosed with depression I told some people I had it because I thought maybe I could talk to them about it or whatever. Now I do not tell anyone because of the reactions I have got or am worried about getting. I worry that it will get out.
I do not like dealing with people. From what they say to me and what I can figuer out people think negative things about me. I hate dealing with people I am sick of people. They think I don't want to work because I am lazy. I am a loser. I am selfish or whatever. I am a spoiled kid.
This is really upsetting me cause I cannot ask people for help. I have to try and lie my way around why I don't work so much or what I am doing. I cannot tell someone I laid in bed all day.
There is nothing I can do. If I tell them I am depressed no one cares.
People just do not understand depression. I know people who are in medical professions and thier attitudes are that I need to quit being lazy or a whimp and to quit whinning about stuff.
This depression sucks cause people look down on me when they find out what kind of person I am.
I have tried to be a good person all my life now I feel like a jerk. I am sick of worrying about what people will find out about me. I am sick of people period.
Not to mention the usual kind of people who try to get one over on anyone they can and to put others down to make themselves look better. Then when I get mad at people and tell them off they try and make me look bad.
I don't even know what to think anymore. Am I the jerk or is it them?
I cannot tell people nothing. I am never gonna go anywhere in life. I mean techniquely speaking I am worthless.