I'm really sorry for your situation. It must be really scary for you. I know your here looking for advice. I'll give you what I know and perhaps a place to start. And if anyone after wants to add or disagree I really hope they will.
You should know that I'm in the position of your husband. You are talking to someone who has been fighting against suicide for about 10 years, and I'm still alive so I must be doing something O.K.
He knows he needs help, he confirmed this by telling you his thoughts. Unfortunately, he isn't ready for a professional, but he is ready for you. It took him a year and a half to recognise it, but he did. This may be a step in the right direction, I'm sure he feels a little 'lighter' now having shared a part of his burden. However if it were me, it would mean that things are so 'heavy' that I can't carry it on my own.
Now that being said. He may not be ready for the help of others... but, he's ready for you.
STEP 1: LEARN FROM HIM - In quiet times ask him about how he feels and try to understand him (If you don't have quiet times - make them; his life depends on it). Talking is extremely helpful. Be soft and think of him only. Try not to 'solve' him, or be offended. Feelings cannot be wrong. Ask him how you can help him best (write it down soon after so you don't forget) understand that this may change with his mood. Ask him if he's felt this way before. It is key to find out if there is a pattern.
STEP 2 - LEARN FROM PROFESSIONALS - Make yourself an appointment with a psychologist/psychiatrist/Family Doctor/religious leader/comunity health organisations etc... everyone you can. Read about it. (Don't leave the books around the house) Learn about his condition, learn to understand him... ask them how you can help him. However, DO NOT... I repeat... DO NOT come home and say 'I was talking to ....... today and they said that you should....' He is not ready for their help... but he is ready for you.
STEP 3 - LEARN FROM OTHER SUFFERERS - This is good for two reasons. Firstly, this will give you another glimpse into your husbands mind but, be mindful that EVERYONE is different. There will be alot of conflicting info. Sift through it. Secondly, if you can tactfully mention just how many people have this problem, it may make it seem more common. This may make it easier for him to get help because it's not such a big deal.
If you can get him to do the following it may help him:
- Eat Well (You know what I mean)
- Perform Service (If he is thinking of others he can't think of himself)
- Rekindle a Lost Passion (Think back to his highschool day's... who did he want to be)
Take things slower for a bit. Let him play his computer games a bit... it will help him to escape himself. I know you are busy with your family so you may need to make a deal with him. Play it for ..... minutes then help me with ........ Just a note though, from what you've mentioned it seems your husband is self destructive. Killing yourself is only one way to hurt yourself. You can hurt your self by hurting those that are close to you. Internet ****, sex chats and cybersex are great ways to escape reality and sever important relationships. For those of us who are self-destructive it makes it a great temptation
I can't suggest anything other than medication for his anger. I am 80% sure your children are safe with your husband but, I would pick up as much of the child care as possible. Don't treat him like he's an idiot though.
Now, you came here for advice on your husband and I've given the best I know, however, you have been forgotten in all of this. Take care of yourself also.