I have been throuthg hell and back in my life. Maybe others may not agree but they're not in my shoes. My parents divorced when I was only 3 and it wasn't pretty. I grew up in a lonely world where I didn't have any support except when I did what everybody told me and smiled about it. I began my struugle with depression at about 17 and it's been a constant battle to this day. I married an emotionally abusive man who loved and treated his pets better than he ever treated me. I wanted to have a baby with him and he didn't until it was too late. We got divorced and then came along this unexpected friend. Our relationship has always been based on friendship above all but it grew into something more. He was atttentive, compassionate, accepting of my illness, passionate, funny and different. He is not the person I pictured myself with. We are different in so many ways but we have a real connection. Unfortunately through all of this I struggles with his wife/ex and he let her lead the way. That's when I got scared and felt like I was setting myself up like with my husband and I was afraid what others would think. This has been the main issue in my life as far as other peopls'e opinions and approval. I got pregnant twice with him and terminated them both because "it wasn't right". It didn't fit the right picture. My mom was and is always about what looks right. I did break up with him twice but it never ended. We still talked and laughed and had sex. Ironically he then recently tried getting over me and started having feelings for his long time other (girl)friend. He didn't choose. He had a choice and he still slept with me; last week in fact. So I found out Sunday I am pregnant and I am actually happy. It may not be fitting into the right time or situation but it is. I love this man and for the first time I am thinking about what I want. Well the big issue is that he suspects my news but we were suppose to talk last night and he bailed. I am scared because we are supposed to talk today and he said he might kill himself or do something drastic if what I need to tell him is that I am in fact pregnant. Thus ruins his plans with this other girl and it doesn't seem what he would want right now. I know he wants kids but not with me? I know he has feelings for me but he he has feelings for her too. You know a group of co-workers went out dancing 2 weeks ago and he called me beforehand to ask me not to hit on any other guys. SO once again I ask what should I do? Would I have another abortion to appease and make it easier on him? He does have issues but who doesn't? What if he does kill himself or abandon me?