I am a first time writer. I don't understand why I am here, but reading through some of the other topics has made me realize I am not alone. I am 21 and have lived a pretty good life thus far, yet I have a serious issue with trusting others, especially with the opposite sex (female). I have been told by doctors to get help for depression, yet for some reason I won't take that next step. I know I have a problem with substance abuse that is caused by depression. Most of the time I would rather sit at home with a bottle of booz than hang out with most of my friends. I have big problems with group situations and a lot of the time i feel like the third or fifth wheel.
I have thought death before, and what it would do to my family and friends, but never considered it an issue until the other night. I found myself on my balcony, smoking a cig, and for some reason i looked at one of the empty chairs and
about stepping up on it and taking the four story plunge down to the street. As a result, i turned all the spare chairs on my balcony upsidedown. They remain that way because the feeling I had was so real. It scares me. I don't know what to do.