I haven't posted to this forum before, but it's 2am, and I just kind of felt like it. I have chronic migraines, 2 or 3 times a week, since elementary school (I'm 41 now.) I have bad TMJ from stress, and I have been diagnosed with depression, panic and anxiety disorder. I have two bad knees that need to be replaced, and I have plateaued from a gastric bypass well about my goal weight, due to an anti-migraine medication. I had to quit my job, I ended up getting divorced five years ago because my husband turned out to be autistic, and was making me crazy. I had to sell my 4 bedroom house and ended up moving back to my hometown into a two bedroom townhouse. I lived off my divorce settlement for a while, but didn't last very long, and after trying to go back to work, I had to go on disability because of a very bad back. Now I am on permanent disability, and I have to find a new place to live in quickly, because both my knees need operating on/replaced.
Frankly, I have no quality of life. I am always so worn out from all the pain, I generally only go out to see a doctor or to buy groceries. I've been in therapy for years, but I have realized that no other person can understand exactly how you feel...they just don't get it. To get any use out of therapy, I would need to go several times a week, and since I can only afford going to a public operated clinic, I only get a one hour appointement, once every two weeks. I see the Psycho-pharmachologist once every three months for 15 minutes, just to check on my medications. With that kind of help, no wonder I stay depressed.
I really don't have much of a support system. My elderly parents live close by, but they stay basket cases because of all my problems, so I can't really lean on them when I feel bummed out. My one younger sister is a highly successful carreer woman who lives states away, and I only talk to her maybe once a week. We don't have much of a conversation, because my parents usually keep her informed so she just cuts me off and says she's heard it all before. She doesn't ever confide in me about anything going on in her life, so we aren't very close at all.
When I moved back to town, I had two old friends from high school who still lived here, but about six months ago, both of them blew me off just weeks apart, not wanting to listen to my health problems, a.k.a. life, anymore. Boy, that hurt. They both just dumped me with no warning. I don't understand how a human being can do that to another, much less ones that you felt to be close friends.
So, I guess I can really understand you guys. I'm always in pain, but nothing that's going to put me out of my misery. I live precariously through watching soap operas or post messages on boards like this. I tried a support group once, but it ended up sounding like a Jerry Springer show. If anyone has any better ideas, I'm listening.
Thanks for letting me vent.
"The weather is here, I wish you were beautiful."
- Jimmy Buffett