Hi. I would really value an outsiders opinion on this. I have been coming off effexor since last summer, however since last october I have been gradually feeling more and more depressed. A few weeks ago I was put on a very important project at work and so far it has been so stressfull. I feel sick in my stomach every day, I am so worn out by the weekend I feel that I am cracking up. Recently, I have gone through these outbursts of extreme anger and then later feel so depressed I just cry uncontrolably untill I feel sick. The project I'm on is so disorganised, I wasn't sure what my role was, I have been pulled in all directions. I am so confused. A couple of weeks ago I became really angry about
the situation and I told a work friend I was pissed off and that I would go home early because I was fumming (It was only half an hour earlier than normal), but I couldn't get out soon enough. But when I got home I was so distraught and depressed, which carried on untill the next morning. I couldn't face work so I took 2 days off.
I came back to work the following week and my friend has been blanking me since. At the end of the week I asked her what was wrong and she said she said she felt she didn't want to say the wrong thing to me incase I got angry again. So she is blanking me.
So I finally admitted to her that I had been depressed for a while and was finding it really hard to cope, that I have been overly sensitive and reactive, and that anger goes hand in hand with depression but it made her turn colder and she doesn't even want to take it in. She said she couldn't understand it, and that she can't put herself in other peoples shoes. I have been there for her when she had family issues so I find it quite harsh that she just cuts me off and acts like I am not even there. She then stated that I should be happy I'm on the project with all the challenges. I tried to explain to her that because of depression and extreme stress was affecting my concentration and performance which in turn makes it worse, she refused to register what I was saying and her answer was that maybe I should just go and have kids.
Again this week she's still blanking me. I really don't understand what's going on. I haven't done anything to her.
A while back she said that she wanted to be on my project because it had a very high profile and even though I had told her it was very disorganised and stressfull she would rather be on that that the project she was on. I really can't help thinking that she is resentful of me. She has never had to deal with depression and she is full of confidence so nothing phases her.
My boyfriend thinks that it is her problem that she can't handle it. My mum thinks she is jealous that I have been put on a project that she wants to be on. Regardless I can't help feeling like I am the one being punished.
What hurts the most is that when I feel this bad I feel that I'm a really evil person and then when a friend turns around and acts like this to you it exagerates thsi feeling.
Why do friends cut you off when they hear the word depression?