Thanks so much for taking the time to reply,
A couple of things you mentioned already helped me ... good to hear it from someone who knows too, not a leaflet or doctor.
- Someone who is depressed knows what they are doing and saying.
That I could never decide, does he know what he's saying is so wrong. He says he does know what he's doing when he shouts and knows it's wrong, but can't stop til he's done then he regrets it and feels guilty. I'm quite thick skinned but tried to look more upset than I was to make him realise. But he gets more angry with himself for making me cry and it makes things worse. He then puts himself down and it's so hard being the reassuring one when you've just been called names or accused of something bad.
- don't let the situation become abusive towards you
That's what I worry about most. I promised I'd never stay with anyone who doesn't treat me with respect. I grew up in a happy family home, he grew up in a broken home and I think he battles between missing and hating his late mum. Would I take this from someone who should know better, being depressed is not an excuse to mistreat your loved ones surely.
I don't expect there to be an overnight fix for this, but getting support from here is already making me feel positive.
'We all have a cross to bare, it's how we carry it that counts'